Tag Archives: selfish

[every road sign’s a reminder of exactly why we do this to begin with]

I am in a very strange place right now. Even
though that strange place is home.

Now that I live in Bangor that word has become less than
exclusive. I am able to call both Wales and England home,
and it feels very strange. I’m kind of finding it hard to
describe.

When I’m in one place it feels like I’m missing
out on opportunities in the other place. I call
both places home but also feel slightly estranged
from both. Which also makes me think as to
what I’m going to do when this Bangor based
adventure ends.

Do I stay in Bangor? If I do, I would have to find
somewhere else to live which I suppose wouldn’t
be amazingly difficult but at the same time. I would
have ‘done’ Bangor if that makes sense. I would of have
had the experience of it, which is probably a better
way to say it.

Do I return to my hometown? And if I do this,
I would probably have to think about actually finding
a career for the rest of my life and sort that out. But
to me that seems incredibly boring. Incredibly.

Or just disappear again. To pop back to hometown
after I have to move out of Bangor and within a couple
of months slip away again to another place/country.

The thing about this is that I have the worse
habit of not actually telling people that I’m
going away. And for some reason I can that
as being one of my character flaws. But on
the other side of that. I NEED to see the world.

I can’t just say to myself at twenty-two years old that
where I am is where I am going to be forever.

I just can’t.

I’m pretty sure I know which one of the three it’s going to
be. And I’m pretty sure you do too.

It’s not often that a primarily good person has to
make the choice between being selfish or not.
And picks the road that leads to selfishness.

But the truth is I haven’t really got anything tying me
down to anywhere. Oh the joys of beings me. It’s ok
to be envious just so’s you know.

[on some level…]

It should just be easy, shouldn’t
it?

I’m finding that everything seems
to be a hassle, I seem to have to
really work for the things that I want.

I know it’s selfish, but I just want
things handed to me, for the
awesome stuff to be there when
I wake up in the morning or when
I look at my phone [silly thoughts
like this].

And somewhere in this blog, on a
random post, not too long ago, I
wrote that you have to work for
the things you want. And this
may seem like a U-turn, but I
am getting tired of all the effort.

But, there’s nothing I can do,
so I’ll stop this rant to continue
in my line of wisdom-giving
blogs and photography and
poems and what not and I’ll
try to keep these kinda blogs
held back.

[still tired though]