Tag Archives: reminiscing

I’ve never really been one for Dating.

I have never really been one for going on “dates” and generally I don’t go on them. Dates, to me, seem too false. You meet up with somebody and try to present yourself as an amazing person, witty, smart and fun to be around.

I usually compare people on dates to people who go for interviews for jobs that they don’t really want. You see these people being interviewed and they seem to present themselves as perfect for the role they have applied for. It’s only when you get them in the office/shop floor/wherever that you realised that all that time you invested in your new employee was actually wasted and they’re a bit of a dick that you can’t bare to be around for more than five minutes.

My own personal experience could be a big reason for my aversion to dating. As it goes, I was once on my way to a date and with about 5 minutes before I got to the pub where we said we were going to meet it suddenly occurred to me that I had no idea what her name was. At all. When I first met her I gave her a nickname and that’s what I called her. The date itself came about in strange circumstances. My boss had sent me out to get something for her and I had started talking to the lady behind the till [because I tend to be able to strike up conversation with anybody] and after purchasing the items for my boss was about to leave but was asked for my number. At that point in time I didn’t really want to give anybody my number. So, and I have felt slightly bad since, I gave her my fake number. And thought I got out of there ok, there was a short period where I thought I may have given her my real number but two weeks went by and I realised there were no phone calls or texts so I thought all to be well and that I had got away with my cruel misdead.

But nothing in life is that easy.

I had forgotten that during our chat, before I realised the road it had gone down, I had told here where it was that I had worked. Bad move. At the time I had worked in a very popular camera shop and a customer and his wife were in looking at binoculars. He picked up a pair and his wife said that she was going to look at another shop. And I thought that if he was going to play with binoculars I will too. So I picked up a pair and saw a blurry figure in the distance waving. So, me thinking it was the customers wife paid no mind [the customer and I were both looking in the same direction], but the blurry figure kept waving so I pulled it into focus and in a moment of terror I realised that it was that girl from the shop that I was looking at. And although it sounds like something from a terrible movie, I promise you it actually happened. The customer noting this said “Friend of yours?”. My reply being “Not exactly”.

So when she came into the shop and told me that she had tried the number and hadn’t been able to get through. So I feigned shock and surprise and she said that she was going to dial it and see if my phone went off. At that point I had to give her my actual number as she was standing there and I felt a little guilty [and needless to say cornered] because she had gone to all the trouble of tracking me down.

So, back to the date.

Girl [whose name to this day I cannot remember, the best I can tell you was that it started with either a J or K was late. Now this bugged me quite a bit, because I never like sitting in a pub by myself at the best of times and had to make friends with the people next to me. It’s easy enough done, but still hassle. She arrived and I still had no idea what to call her so I went with “Babe” and it worked well. But to be honest, throughout most of this date I just wanted to go home. I don’t know how people who date do it. Sitting there making small talk, trying not to make it to obvious that you’re bored witless.

Eventually [thank God] one of her friends came along and I managed to catch what her name was. That memory only lasted about 15 minutes.  And we met up with another of her friends. This guy, it was so obvious to tell that he liked “Babe” and she was totally oblivious. And he didn’t like me till I called him on it. With my trademark “So…How long have you fancied XX”. Looking stunned he admitted it was a long time. I really just wanted to go home.

It was later suggested that we went to a night club. I hate night clubs, and I really hated the night club we were going to. But I went, mainly because I had white trainers on and thought I wouldn’t be able to get in and could go round my friend’s house to watch some movies. As you have probably gathered I didn’t really have a romantic interest with this girl and I was kind of going along with it all. But, as I have said before in this post,

nothing in life is that easy.

He let me in! The bouncer who had been turning people away left right and centre let me in with jeans and white [muddy white] trainers. The night gets hazy from that point on but I remember [probably] kissing her and waking up at her house. Where I pulled out my patented ‘leave as early as possible’ manoeuvre. If I have slept round your house you know what I mean.

With this experience is it surprising that I don’t really go on dates. It seems so strange. For two people who barely [and in some cases don’t] know each other having to sit over dinner/movie/in a  bar and mandatorily be expect to have a good time in each others company. I swear that’s how they try and get pandas to mate, and it doesn’t work.

I’m sure there are worse stories of dating. A blog that I have recently started to read about dating is called – Book Editors You should check it out if funny
and a good read. Click the name above to go through to the blog.

This is the first post I have written for this blog in a long while and it’s kind of written in the style that I had lost, with which I had started this blog to begin with. It actually only came about because of a conversation I had today with a friend on mine as she was recounting her dating stories and this one just popped into my head. Well, hopefully you’ve enjoyed what you have read if you would like to see my photography blog feel free to click the link below.

Also feel free to add me on Twitter my onscreen name is: squarebrackets

[moving away from the big BA]

So at the moment, it’s 3:10 as I start to write this post. Most of my
things are packed and ready to go with bits and pieces that I have
to sort out first. In six hours I will be in a car on my way out of
Bangor.

I have know this day was coming for weeks, known that I was
moving out for months, so this hasn’t been a surprise. I mean,
I pack about 90%  of my stuff a week ago. But as I sit here, my
friend Andrew quietly snoring and the worlds worse tumble
dryer in the background. It’s here, six hours from departure
that the emotion hits me at all.

All day I’ve been thinking “Wow, this is actually my last day
in Wales, the last day for a long time that I’ll have my own
personal space to do with as I please”. But, although these
thoughts have been racing through my head. There wasn’t
really an emotional tag to go with them. Until the goodbyes
came.

Now because of growing up, building up my hopes and then
having them crashed down in the last second. I live in a
perpetual state of expecting things to wrong and not getting
excited about them until they actually happen. This counts
for the unhappy side of things as well.

It’s only now that I start to realise that this year has gone fast.
I have done so much with it and still feel like I should have
done more. I’ve seen places I’ve never seen before, I’ve been
on student radio, been a club photographer, watched the sunrise
on a pier, made new friends that I hope I will be able to stay in
contact with. Because, that is what I’m terrible at. And also
these are only the things I can remember straight away.

The people I’ve lived with this year have been amazing and
I truly mean that. Tabs, Will, Big Bear & Mike.

Tabs is my best female friend bar none and has been for a
long time we get on so well, it’s fantastic. We have pretty
much the same tastes in a lot of things but not all things
so we can find things to argue about, which I know sounds
weird, but is something we loved to do.

Drunken conversations with Will were always funny and
when we found ‘Take Me Out’ on ITV I don’t actually
believe we could have been happier at that moment.  And
he was also the first person to call me the happiest person
in Bangor as I always seemed to be smiling.

Big Bear and Mike were two of the most awesome people I
have met. And I’m happy to have moved to Wales to have
lived with them. A quick story, when I first moved here I
was carrying this massive suitcase and I arrived at the
bottom of the steps with it. Mike having just got onto the
landing to make a phone call quickly put down his phone and
helped me carry it up the stairs and this was before he even
knew me. Big Bear was always there with the good advice.
the kind of advice you always knew made sense and he
knew you knew made sense. Then after that we would spend
an hour or two killing zombies or playing Guitar Hero. When
it was Guitar Hero Mike would also be playing and you knew
for a fact the ‘Plug In Baby’ by Muse would be played. I’m not
a Muse fan really but grew to love the song because of the fun
times associated with it.

One of the big things that happened since being in Bangor is
that I finally figured out what I want to do with my life and I
have half of a complete plan. Which is alot more than I have
ever had before, trust me.
As I’m writing this I am getting ridiculously upset, with the
things I’m writing making me remember amazing times had
in and because of Bangor. And it’s all going through at 100mph.
But the thing is this must be normal. I am moving out after a
year of being with the most amazing people and in a great place.
I always knew that this was a great time in my life and like I said
earlier it’s only just hit me it’s over and it”s hit me like a ton of
bricks. It truly has.

[reminds me of home]

Not sure where I found this or exactly how long it’s been saved on my computer.

But seeing it reminds me of home.

The fact that besides Bangor at the moment home is Kent and by weak extension London and that this drawing is obviously not of London makes the fact it reminds me quite strange. But there you go.

Hope you’re all good.

[absent minded]

There are some people that when they stare into
space for a period of time will remark that they
were thinking of nothing.

There are some people that when they stare into
space for a period of time will remark that they
were thinking of everything.

Either way it doesn’t mean that you’re gonna
find out what it is that they were thinking
about.

[facebook status leads to poetry]

So having recently looked back on the haikus and
poems on this blog with Jeni I noticed something
quite worrying. It had been a while since  I had
posted any sort of poetry up and in that also realised
that it had been just as long since I had written a poem.

The problem is inspiration and not knowing what to write
about. I had actually forgotten this worrying thought when
this morning [whilst too tired to get out of bed] I updated
my status on Facebook. Just saying ‘tired’ and this led to
my flatmate commenting, and in the end resulted in me
making poetry.

I’m kinda happy about that.

In case you can’t read it, as it seems to have become bad quality
I’ll rewrite them.

Me –
I have a finite amount of days upon this mortal ride,
And it seems that sleep runs like a thief through my tired mind.
Stealing not gold nor items of much worth,
But only the time I have on this Earth.

Will –
But surely in sleep we discover our dreams,
Where mortal reality is ripped at the seams.
It is this that gives us our hopes and desires,
Till the day we march on to our own funeral pyres.

Me –
But with hopes and desires already considered,
There possibility having faded and withered.
Means that sleeps, the art of subtle realisation,
becomes nothing more that a practice in self deprecation.

I guess that poetic Richard is back.

[the coolest t-shirt I have ever owned]

I present to you, the offensive shirt.

[what I would have looked like as a chick]

These were made by my old flatmate Kate, the three chicks have been
made up to look like other people in the house [namely Rick Graham,
Alex Feery and myself].

I am on the left with a beard playing piano. Rick is in the centre  with emo hair and
a Guinness  under his wing and on the far right we have Alex. And although you
can’t see it he has got flesh tunnels taped on under his ears.

Found this photo recently and it made me giggle. So it’s on the blog.

I may start doing my posts like this just so’s I get into the habit of writing on here.

[it all started with a newspaper | part one]

My life at the moment and pretty much every
major thing that has happened in my life in recent
years is the result of my popping into my sisters
office and some unknown reason reading the
newspaper in 2005.

Now, back then this was pretty much an unknown thing,
me randonly popping into my sisters for one and reading
a newspaper for the other. Anyways whilst looking through
this paper I saw a job advertisement for a photogrpaher.

Now, although the job was based in Maidstone,
the interview was in Bromley. I had never been
to Bromley before so getting there was a bit of a
hassle [three very specific trains, on specific
routes, a lot more awkward than the route I later
figured out].

So I went for the interview and pretty knew there was no way I
was getting the job, they wanted somebody who was available
all the time and I was still at college. Ah well, but looking back
I do wonder how things would have been if I had got that job.

But anyway, I digress, upon leaving the interview
I had decided to have a walk around Bromley, seeing
as it was new and during my walk I happened upon
the Market Square branch of Jessops [a popular
photographic retailer] and thought that it would
do no harm to hand in a C.V to the shop.

This would turn out to be one of those of handed decisions that
would affect my whole life because, as it goes, I got an interview
.

Which I failed.

And to be honest I was kind of glad, it took two hours to get to
work and the journey seemed long and arduous to tell you the
truth. I really wasn’t up to it, every day.

Although a job at Jessops would have been much
better [and interesting that working at Mothercare]
and would have helped me as well seeming that at
the time I was studying Photography at college so
the money off things would have been awesome.

It was then that I was told that my C.V had been forwarded to the
other branch of Jessops that was based in Bromley, only this one
was inside the Glades  a shopping centre that I had missed upon
my first visit to the town [just so’s you know Jessops has shops
all over the country and that interview went as such,

Nash – “So you’re Richard then”
Me – “Yes”
Nash – “So what’s your shirt size then?”

One of the shortest interviews on record I am sure [about as sure
as I am that these things are rarely recorded]. So I left Mothercare
and started to work for Jessops and thats when things got
interesting.



A photo of me just after I started at Jessops, I would have
been about 18 or so years old.

I’ll continue this story from time to time, writing it all in one go was
quite daunting. So make do with just this bit at the moment, which
to be honest you should have figured from the title of the post.

Hopefully this will be the start of me using my blog again
and hopefully that’ll mean using Flickr, Tumblr, twitter
and all the other sites I’ve been ignoring.

[don’t get offended if i seem absent minded]

For those of you who were wondering about the novel
[as I have received questions from about four people]
it stalled for a while. Which is totally my fault to be
honest. It’s because it’s part of my nature for some reason
to start things and not finish. I think photography was
the only hobby that actually stuck throughout my life.
Most others died pretty quickly.

I will be changing that though, this isn’t just a blog
saying how I failed and that’s it. No. This post is
basically to inform that I am going to now try even
harder. This novel WILL be completed there is no
doubt about that. I’m even more determined these days,
basically as I have nothing to do and have wasted days
recently. That isn’t a just a saying. I have actually been
wasting days. Oh well.

I’m going to Dublin in Ireland soon. Which should be
awesome. Been wanting to go there for a while and the
fact that the flight only cost £2 you cannot argue
with that.

I’m probably going to place another post up in a little
while, just for the fact that I’ve had an idea in my head
for a day or two now.

Ah well. Oh and I’ve also been thinking of doing a
video blog soon, which should be interesting. As I
have no idea what I ‘d be able to say in a video
blog that I couldn’t just write down. Any ideas?

Actually yeah. Any ideas??

That’s a thought. If there is anything that you would
want my to vlog on. Leave a comment :]

[1001 lessons in love and still none the wiser]

Life, is supposedly made up of lessons. Which
people generally called ‘Life lessons’. Now a
life lesson is supposed to arise from every
major experience in your life [some people
also believe even the tiny things are also
life lessons, but we’re going to stick to the
big stuff]. From every triumph and every
defeat, we, as people, are supposed to take
what we can from it and learn all that we
can.

Like for instance, going down a dark alley and
getting in a bit trouble, tells you to not to go
down dark alleys anymore, or having your heart
messed around with should show you how to be
able to recognise and avoid certain types of people
and the situations that they can bring, and so on
and so on.

But the thing about learning from the
mistakes you make in your life, it somehow
insinuates that you will suddenly [at some
undefined moment in your life] start living
mistake free. But, I have yet to see this
happen.

The reason for this blog stems from a drunken
conversation I had with my friend Simpson,
during which we discussed many things but
one of the topics that I continued to think about
the next morning [totally hangover free] was
that we had discussed how tired we were with
all these life lessons and just wanted things to
hurry and start properly without all the
messing around of having to have your head
[and your heart] messed around with.

The both of us had had enough [in
temperament  and quantity] of all these
life lessons that came along and trying
to figure exactly what it was that they
were ‘supposedly’ trying to teach us and
whether it was a different lesson every
time. Or whether we were just making
the same mistakes.

Maybe we were hoping for too much? You know?

It’s that old saying isn’t it? ‘Everything
happens for a reason’ and that ‘Good things
happen to those who wait’. These sayings
although widely used and antique in their
own sense are wrong. They just leave you
there accepting all the crap that happens
to you and waiting for something amazing
to just waltz into your life.

But as we all know, that just doesn’t happen.
It’s pretty shitty to be honest. Because
from what I’ve seen with the people around
me, the things that they want to just appear
out of the sky, were right in front of them the
whole time.

[i’m in love with your daughter, i wanna have her babies]

Because when I got in from work today I
was stupid enough to get comfortable on
my bed and fell asleep for several hours.

So this meant that I wasn’t able to sleep
last night which is annoying as I’m up now
and I need to be at work in less than two hours,
so I thought that I would write a blog entry,
it has been a while. Hasn’t it?

First off, in regards to the previous post, and
for those that don’t know I started writing
a book when I was really bored in the
departure lounge of an airport and recently
found it again and placed the first chapter
on wordpress as a blog [the aforementioned
‘previous’ blog] and it got generally good
feedback. Apart from a few grammatical
mistakes, it was all good. If you’ve not read
it, please do and comment. I sent a message
on Facebook to my favourite author Mike Gayle
and he like it. So that was awesome. Only
annoying thing is that the second chapter
is terrible in comparasion so that needs alot
of re-writing.

I went to Facedown on Friday. Which is a
once monthly club night held in Scala in
Kings Cross in London. And I don’t think that
I’ll be going again for some time. And this
isn’t because I had a terrible time. It’s because
it was probably one of the best nights out
I have had in a long time. And I don’t think
I need to go out for a while because of how great
that night was, other nights won’t really be
able to compare.

I may have a part-time job sorted for when I leave
Jessops in less than two weeks.

I got Regina Spektor’s new album [that’s what
the title is about] and it’s actually pretty good.
I’ve had a quick listen to La Roux’s album and
also the new album by Jack Penate. Definite
buy’s for when I get some more money

I may have an actual website soon, but it’ll most
likely be a link site for my flickr and this blog and
so forth. And there you go, a four hundred word catch
up blog on what I have been up to recently.

I didn’t sleep last night, this feels odd. Although
the Sunrise this morning probably worth it. But
now I look outside it seems to be raining.

[i want to go home, i want to go home]

The title of this blog is actually the line I was
repeating to my boss from about ten past six
to seven today [it didn’t help, because I left
at seven which is the time I was meant to be
working] and this is because at about ten to
five today I completely lost the will to work
anymore. So you can understand that by
about six I was really going insane.

As mentioned in a previous blog, I am being
made redundant and by that I basically mean
that by no fault of my own I won’t have a job
come the 19th of July this year [next month
basically] and at first I took this as a laugh [as
I tend to do] but it is actually getting more and
more apparent.

Now I know that the amount of people at
work who have ever read this blog are
small and the percentage of those few
that read it to begin with who still do is
pretty much zero. So I can be totally honest
if I feel I want to. And I do.

And the truth is that I will miss everyone
there a great deal. Because the truth about life
is, when I go the chances of constantly hanging
out with this [quite diverse and incredibly
interesting] group of people goes with it.
Because as we all know, once you leave a
school/college/workplace you don’t really stay
in touch with the friends you’ve made in these
places unless you live quite close. Which, I’m
afraid to say I do not. And coupled with the fact
I find it incredibly hard to stay in touch with
people will inevitably come out a negative result

I have been taking up things to distract me
from these thoughts as they swirl and swirl
around my head, like taking up piano again
or looking to start [actually] writing a
novel/short story. But it does all come back
to the fact that everything about this sucks.

It really does.

[“it’s ok to show weakness you know”]

“it’s ok to show weakness you know”


Drunken words from a close friend
of mine that still ring around in my
head. She’s probably forgotten she said
them.

[note to self]

I was going through the guardian’s website
randomly looking up articles. Much like I
do on Wikipedia, I read one thing then tend
to follow a link on a related subject and I
can fall into this endless quest for knowledge
for about two or three hours. It’s a bad habit
and I should be reading my backlog of books,
but, I’m finding it fun these days to read up
on things that surprisingly interest me.

Anyways, whilst looking I came across an
article based around an older article by
Stephen Fry [who is, by all accounts, a
bit of a god]. In the article he basically
wrote a letter to his sixteen year old self.

It’s a lovely article and I really think you
should read it. If you want too click [here]
and if you want to read the original article
click [here]. What I though I would do
would be to write a letter to my eighteen
year old self.

Heya Rich,

Now I know your not a big fan of being called
Rich over Richard, but trust me, it’s one of
the meeker things that change in your life
over the next three or so years. A big one
would be that that bad habit you kind of
started yesterday, comes back stronger and
its gets much worse, but it does go away, trust
me. And you learn how to  deal with things
better. It takes a long time and a major ordeal
with a loved one, but it goes away. I’m not going
to lie, you will think about it alot, you learn
to deal, trust me.

Your little bro, finally starts to take an interest
in music and you and him start a little band
together like Jackie and Keith always said you
should. You do the vocals whilst he plays and
to date, you’ve made a handfull of songs which
you can be proud of. And you’ve received a few
nice comments along the way.

You actually are what can be considered a heavy
drinker these days. You kinda drift in and out of
it from time to time. So look out for that and don’t
take it too far.

You still practice photography, but in my mind
thats all we do, practice. There have been a few
weddings, ALOT of gigs and some parties. You’ll
find that that habit of being able to get along with
anyone works amazingly. Never lose that. Ever.

If I could ask you to do one thing, thats to try hard
at college. I’m not saying that you will be unhappy
in three or so years, but you will wonder from time
to time. So concentrate and get it done, and most
importantly get it done well. Theres not much else to
say to you really, you will have some amazing
experiences and obviously ones that are so terrible that
all you can do is take lessons from them.

Thats it, done. Blah.

[no boat nor bridge, or crucifix can hold me back]

Today, at work, my friend Andrew
and I were standing about on the
shop floor. It was a quiet time, where
there were no customers and little
to do.

So obviously we fill the time with light
hearted conversation. During which he
turned to me and said

“It must be fun to be you”

“How so” I replied

“To not have a care in the world”

To which I replied with a quick remark
of something or other and carried on
with the day, but like most things that
people say to me recently it does not
sink in straight away. It waits in the
back of my brain for a few hours and
then hits me full force in the face whilst
my mind maybe contemplating other
menial things.

If we were to look at another example of
how my mind is slow but powerful. I was
walking around Bluewater Shopping Center
last Tuesday where I happened to happen
upon a friend of mine. I asked if I could join
and she said yes. Now as we were walking
around and I was doing my usual habit of
trying to fit as much information about as
much as possible in the little time that I had.

About fifteen minutes into this, whilst she
was sitting enjoying a cigarette she looked up
and said;

“Richard? Does it scare you that we’re adults?”

“Not at all Steve, it’s an adventure” is all that
I could come out with. But whilst I was on the
bus ride home. It started to sink in. I’m an adult
now, does this mean that the fun is over? That
the time spent absent mindedly was wasted?

Not at all, although since that conversation
it has scared me slightly to realise that I’ll
soon be 22 [22? fuck]. I’ve got a plan, as loose
as it is, I have a plan. Come the middle of August
and that when I’ll start the travels. Europe will
become my bitch. Till then I have to stop the
travels otherwise I’ll be stranded.

It’s annoying that Steve can still get into my
head, haha
.