Tag Archives: heartfelt blog

[so fragile we are. so fragile we are we just don’t show it]

This is true.

I heard this line whilst listening to Gym Class Heroes song. And it
popped into my head that this is true. Well to me anyways, no
matter how fragile I may or may not feel people in general will
not have a clue because I rarely let people see that side to me.

The last time I can remember it happening was many
years ago. And I doubt it will be happening any time
soon, but, this doesn’t stop me being the person that’s
there when things go wrong.

I have seen the ‘fragile side’ shall we say of quite a few of the people
that I know and the strange thing is that I know for a fact that if
something went majorly for me, I would probably lie and say that
all is fine and devote some time to sorting it out on my own.

But hey, it stops people worrying about me, which is
what I like, I hate when people worry about me
because I always feel like they have better things to
be doing with there time.

I’m sure that one day I’ll grow out of this and allow myself
to be fragile with someone. But therein lies the rub, because
the moment I let myself enter that world of personal fragility
I will probably open my life to this person, everything that I
had always lied about, all the anxieties that I had ever had.
And that I’m sure I could never do.

Oh and the Gym Class Heroes song is ‘Shoot Down
The Stars’. It’s a good song, give it a listen.

[before I shuffle aside this mortal coil]

I have many realisations most days of the week, some are
quite benign and pointless [like for instance how vagina is
a strange word to say] and some with some more use, for
example, the life that is currently in my possession needs
to epic. This needs to be one of the best lives on record and
be so amazing that it appears on record. I know this sound
quite big headed, but like I’ve said before, these are my
thoughts and this is my blog and I will write whatever
happens when the two meet.

I see people everyday that have wasted the time that they have, or have
had, with sudden realisations that time is indeed running short. I don’t
know what it is but it actually saddens me that I may actually join these
vast ranks of people with lives of little experience. And the ways that I
can notice this, is by listening to the things that they have done in their
lives that they are most proud of. They never seem to have gone very
far for any lengthy period of time or explored in any way. And as some
of you may know…

This will never be me.

So over the next few weeks I am going to compose a list. Things to
do before I die. A bucket list if you will. I haven’t yet decided as to
whether this list will be composed of fifty items, one hundred or
even one hundred and fifty items. All I know is that it will be one
of the things in my life that I actually complete. Instead of leaving
half done like many, many things that I have started during my time
alive.

It also annoys me that I have all these things that I note
down ‘to-do’ but I never get around too, wasting time on
Facebook and such websites or doing literally nothing,
if I could change one thing about me it would be my lazy
nature. Oh and possibly to have a bit more of neck.

The progress of the ‘Things To Do Before I Die’ list will be charted
on another blog which I will create especially for the task of keeping
people abreast of the progress I am making [should they actually
care at all], I haven’t actually made the blog yet, as even I don’t
know the full details of the list. But when I have made it I will but
the link on here for all to see. There will be some ridiculous ones
on there and some quite mundane ones, but hey I’m gonna do
what I want. Because I feel like it.

[1001 lessons in love and still none the wiser]

Life, is supposedly made up of lessons. Which
people generally called ‘Life lessons’. Now a
life lesson is supposed to arise from every
major experience in your life [some people
also believe even the tiny things are also
life lessons, but we’re going to stick to the
big stuff]. From every triumph and every
defeat, we, as people, are supposed to take
what we can from it and learn all that we
can.

Like for instance, going down a dark alley and
getting in a bit trouble, tells you to not to go
down dark alleys anymore, or having your heart
messed around with should show you how to be
able to recognise and avoid certain types of people
and the situations that they can bring, and so on
and so on.

But the thing about learning from the
mistakes you make in your life, it somehow
insinuates that you will suddenly [at some
undefined moment in your life] start living
mistake free. But, I have yet to see this
happen.

The reason for this blog stems from a drunken
conversation I had with my friend Simpson,
during which we discussed many things but
one of the topics that I continued to think about
the next morning [totally hangover free] was
that we had discussed how tired we were with
all these life lessons and just wanted things to
hurry and start properly without all the
messing around of having to have your head
[and your heart] messed around with.

The both of us had had enough [in
temperament  and quantity] of all these
life lessons that came along and trying
to figure exactly what it was that they
were ‘supposedly’ trying to teach us and
whether it was a different lesson every
time. Or whether we were just making
the same mistakes.

Maybe we were hoping for too much? You know?

It’s that old saying isn’t it? ‘Everything
happens for a reason’ and that ‘Good things
happen to those who wait’. These sayings
although widely used and antique in their
own sense are wrong. They just leave you
there accepting all the crap that happens
to you and waiting for something amazing
to just waltz into your life.

But as we all know, that just doesn’t happen.
It’s pretty shitty to be honest. Because
from what I’ve seen with the people around
me, the things that they want to just appear
out of the sky, were right in front of them the
whole time.