Tag Archives: conversation

[what he wants in a woman]

So, I was having a discussion with a friend of mine
recently and seeming it was a conversation between
two men you can pretty much guarantee that it was
about girls.

But more specifically my friend was wondering what it
was that he was looking for in a girl. As some offers had
come up recently and he had turned them away.

One of his other friends [not me] asked him what it
was he was looking for in a girl and his answer was
that he wanted.

“Someone who I SHOULD be excited about seeing all
the time. Not somebody I should have to pretend to
be excited about seeing, you know?”

And yeah I did. He was basically saying that he
didn’t want to get with someone just because the
opportunity arose. But wanted to actually feel
something for someone. It got me thinking what I
would say I was looking for in a girl or who my
perfect girl was. And to be honest, I am ridiculously
picky for a guy in my position. Oh well. That
is how it goes.

Now I’m not actually going to write what it is I’m
looking for in a woman on here. That would be
highly odd. But I just wanted to comment on the
conversation because it did stick in my head.

Because not all guys are that picky and will just
settle for anything that comes along. Which is pretty
sad to be honest. Do people fool themselves that they
are in love just to make do?

[no boat nor bridge, or crucifix can hold me back]

Today, at work, my friend Andrew
and I were standing about on the
shop floor. It was a quiet time, where
there were no customers and little
to do.

So obviously we fill the time with light
hearted conversation. During which he
turned to me and said

“It must be fun to be you”

“How so” I replied

“To not have a care in the world”

To which I replied with a quick remark
of something or other and carried on
with the day, but like most things that
people say to me recently it does not
sink in straight away. It waits in the
back of my brain for a few hours and
then hits me full force in the face whilst
my mind maybe contemplating other
menial things.

If we were to look at another example of
how my mind is slow but powerful. I was
walking around Bluewater Shopping Center
last Tuesday where I happened to happen
upon a friend of mine. I asked if I could join
and she said yes. Now as we were walking
around and I was doing my usual habit of
trying to fit as much information about as
much as possible in the little time that I had.

About fifteen minutes into this, whilst she
was sitting enjoying a cigarette she looked up
and said;

“Richard? Does it scare you that we’re adults?”

“Not at all Steve, it’s an adventure” is all that
I could come out with. But whilst I was on the
bus ride home. It started to sink in. I’m an adult
now, does this mean that the fun is over? That
the time spent absent mindedly was wasted?

Not at all, although since that conversation
it has scared me slightly to realise that I’ll
soon be 22 [22? fuck]. I’ve got a plan, as loose
as it is, I have a plan. Come the middle of August
and that when I’ll start the travels. Europe will
become my bitch. Till then I have to stop the
travels otherwise I’ll be stranded.

It’s annoying that Steve can still get into my
head, haha


In this new and digital age we are able to
[more easier than ever] decide who can
talk to us and when they can talk to us.

Mainly with Facebook and MSN as my
examples. I mean why is it so hard to
just tell people flat out that we don’t
want to talk to them?

Instead, we block them, or put them
on limited profiles, hoping, that they
don’t find out. Hoping that they don’t
go round a friends house and see the
version of MSN/facebook that we don’t
want them to see.

This has happened to a few friends of
mine and I myself have been on the
receiving end. I would be talking to
a friend and I would say:

“How often is she online these days?”

“Like all the time, why?”

“Haha, well she doesn’t show up
on mine?”


“Fuck it, lets get drunk”

[A little sidenote, alcohol solves all of
lifes problems, well mine anyways, I
don’t know how it works for the rest of

This little point recently hit home when I
logged onto MSN a few weeks ago and
there were 7 people online at the time.
Six were blocked and the other I really
wasn’t in the mood to talk to, but hey.

The point that I am trying to make
is although, being able to decide who
can talk to us at given time is no
doubt a great advantage in the short-term
scheme of things.

It does promote cowardice and the
inability to talk straight to people. This
isn’t a declaration about how I’m going
to unblock certain people. Cause in
all honesty I can’t be arsed. =]

[cause i’m not THAT self centred]

Recently somebody put forward
to me that age-old question:

“If a tree falls in the woods and
there is nobody around to hear
it fall, does it make a sound?”

My response being:

“Of course it does, don’t be

And there you go.

[a little less conversation]

So you stand there in the awkward
silence that is the end product of
one of the most common situations
I seem to find myself in. I’ll set
the scene:

You just finished work and your
tired, as always seems to be the
case these days [a little worrying,
but I won’t sidetrack] and you
bump into someone, now most
[and we’re talking 9/10] of the
time it’ll be someone you’ve seen
in ages. Now alot of the time you
can just say “Heya” they say it back
and you don’t lose the momentum
of your walking pace. But.

There are always those times [those
annoying times] where your initial
“Heya” isn’t met with a duplicate
response devoid of true conversation
but in their error the other person
slows down, turns, and says “I’m
good thanks, how have you been?”.

Your mind then races with options
but out of politeness you daren’t
just leave and not acknowledge this
introduction to conversation, so you
turn around and reciprocate with
your own half of this now growing

Now, I try, believe me, I try and be
sociable. I am much more so than
in previous years [and less so at
the same time]. But after work, a
task draining in its [at times]
monotonous nature. But if I don’t
slow down, don’t believe me to be
anti-social or worse anti-you. It’s
just that I’m tired. And when I’m
tired I lack the tools for appropriate

What do you do in these situations?

Do you [at risk of seeming fake]
feign a conversation and [at times]

Or do you lay it out flat, full on
honesty. say that you have had
a long[ish] day at work and you
feel drained and need sleep. I’ve
done this once or twice but it was
one of my best friends, so they
fully understood.

But 9/10 times it seems that
I take the cowards route and
resort to the first solution,
sadly I’m pretty good at it.
It’s actually easier than
maintaining a real conversation
at times.
Oh well.

[see me, sans degree]

Conversations at work recently brought up
a long forgotten subject [well at least to
me], as to why I’m not studying photography
at university to a degree level.

Interesting. But as with all things
it has a story, and as always, I
doubt this will be a short one.

Sorry [in advance]

Well to begin with I’d like to
say that I did once get accepted
into uni with the work I had,
which my college tutor said
wasn’t good enough. But hey,
and with that for some reason
something clicked in my mind and
from that point I stopped working,
literally, went into college printed
some work in the darkroom and
helped others but thats about it.

The aftermath of this is that I
never made it into university and
barely scraped a pass from the college
course. And apart from disappointing
a few people I didn’t really care.

That was, of course, until I saw Steve.
Now Steve and I had last talked the day
I was accepted into uni, and so knew
nothing of my recent failures. So while
she was stealing my food, she asked for an
update on the uni situation and my life
in general. Now, I told her alot of stuff
at this point, most of which I’m not
going to share [for two reasons, the first,
it’s got nothing to do with the story and
second, it was a troubling time in my

So as she stole my last chip and took
in this flood of information she just
sat back and said [to the best of my

“Thats okay, you’re just going to re-apply
as a mature student when your old enough”

And that was that, that was the course my life
was on, I would continue to pursue photography
and wait until I was old enough to become a
mature student and join the ranks of higher education.
Funny that that was all it took, some words
from someone who would actually turn out to
be an important figure in that part of my life.

And thats what I did, kept my passion alive
in the hopes of one day being re-accepted into
De Mont Ford University, which is in Leicester
UK, if you were wondering.

Now, there is only one problem with
this and this is the only condition that
I put to Steve’s order, and this was it;

“But I’m not going to if my photographic career
is taking off”

And the thing is, it kind of is, I’m photographing
weddings and events and so forth. People like my
photos and for example I have three events [boat
parties, wedding receptions and not to mention
the countless band photos and possibly a calendar]
and two weddings before the year is out. But I do feel
like I’ve missed out at the same time. Maybe I
will go back, but it does sometimes feel like its
too late. But I shall definitely enquire for next
year. A promise is a promise.

Also some other things, near enough everybody
I know that studies a creative subject at uni wants
to quit soon after, I’ve actually talked a few people
into staying the distance at university and also if
your ever with me and you see me turn off the radio
at another university or student advert this article
should explain why. Also, why do I keep a promise
to someone I’ve not actually seen in what feels like
years, It’s not like she’ll find out.