Category Archives: looking back

[reminds me of home]

Not sure where I found this or exactly how long it’s been saved on my computer.

But seeing it reminds me of home.

The fact that besides Bangor at the moment home is Kent and by weak extension London and that this drawing is obviously not of London makes the fact it reminds me quite strange. But there you go.

Hope you’re all good.

[absent minded]

There are some people that when they stare into
space for a period of time will remark that they
were thinking of nothing.

There are some people that when they stare into
space for a period of time will remark that they
were thinking of everything.

Either way it doesn’t mean that you’re gonna
find out what it is that they were thinking
about.

[every road sign’s a reminder of exactly why we do this to begin with]

I am in a very strange place right now. Even
though that strange place is home.

Now that I live in Bangor that word has become less than
exclusive. I am able to call both Wales and England home,
and it feels very strange. I’m kind of finding it hard to
describe.

When I’m in one place it feels like I’m missing
out on opportunities in the other place. I call
both places home but also feel slightly estranged
from both. Which also makes me think as to
what I’m going to do when this Bangor based
adventure ends.

Do I stay in Bangor? If I do, I would have to find
somewhere else to live which I suppose wouldn’t
be amazingly difficult but at the same time. I would
have ‘done’ Bangor if that makes sense. I would of have
had the experience of it, which is probably a better
way to say it.

Do I return to my hometown? And if I do this,
I would probably have to think about actually finding
a career for the rest of my life and sort that out. But
to me that seems incredibly boring. Incredibly.

Or just disappear again. To pop back to hometown
after I have to move out of Bangor and within a couple
of months slip away again to another place/country.

The thing about this is that I have the worse
habit of not actually telling people that I’m
going away. And for some reason I can that
as being one of my character flaws. But on
the other side of that. I NEED to see the world.

I can’t just say to myself at twenty-two years old that
where I am is where I am going to be forever.

I just can’t.

I’m pretty sure I know which one of the three it’s going to
be. And I’m pretty sure you do too.

It’s not often that a primarily good person has to
make the choice between being selfish or not.
And picks the road that leads to selfishness.

But the truth is I haven’t really got anything tying me
down to anywhere. Oh the joys of beings me. It’s ok
to be envious just so’s you know.

[so fragile we are. so fragile we are we just don’t show it]

This is true.

I heard this line whilst listening to Gym Class Heroes song. And it
popped into my head that this is true. Well to me anyways, no
matter how fragile I may or may not feel people in general will
not have a clue because I rarely let people see that side to me.

The last time I can remember it happening was many
years ago. And I doubt it will be happening any time
soon, but, this doesn’t stop me being the person that’s
there when things go wrong.

I have seen the ‘fragile side’ shall we say of quite a few of the people
that I know and the strange thing is that I know for a fact that if
something went majorly for me, I would probably lie and say that
all is fine and devote some time to sorting it out on my own.

But hey, it stops people worrying about me, which is
what I like, I hate when people worry about me
because I always feel like they have better things to
be doing with there time.

I’m sure that one day I’ll grow out of this and allow myself
to be fragile with someone. But therein lies the rub, because
the moment I let myself enter that world of personal fragility
I will probably open my life to this person, everything that I
had always lied about, all the anxieties that I had ever had.
And that I’m sure I could never do.

Oh and the Gym Class Heroes song is ‘Shoot Down
The Stars’. It’s a good song, give it a listen.

[what I would have looked like as a chick]

These were made by my old flatmate Kate, the three chicks have been
made up to look like other people in the house [namely Rick Graham,
Alex Feery and myself].

I am on the left with a beard playing piano. Rick is in the centre  with emo hair and
a Guinness  under his wing and on the far right we have Alex. And although you
can’t see it he has got flesh tunnels taped on under his ears.

Found this photo recently and it made me giggle. So it’s on the blog.

I may start doing my posts like this just so’s I get into the habit of writing on here.

[it all started with a newspaper | part one]

My life at the moment and pretty much every
major thing that has happened in my life in recent
years is the result of my popping into my sisters
office and some unknown reason reading the
newspaper in 2005.

Now, back then this was pretty much an unknown thing,
me randonly popping into my sisters for one and reading
a newspaper for the other. Anyways whilst looking through
this paper I saw a job advertisement for a photogrpaher.

Now, although the job was based in Maidstone,
the interview was in Bromley. I had never been
to Bromley before so getting there was a bit of a
hassle [three very specific trains, on specific
routes, a lot more awkward than the route I later
figured out].

So I went for the interview and pretty knew there was no way I
was getting the job, they wanted somebody who was available
all the time and I was still at college. Ah well, but looking back
I do wonder how things would have been if I had got that job.

But anyway, I digress, upon leaving the interview
I had decided to have a walk around Bromley, seeing
as it was new and during my walk I happened upon
the Market Square branch of Jessops [a popular
photographic retailer] and thought that it would
do no harm to hand in a C.V to the shop.

This would turn out to be one of those of handed decisions that
would affect my whole life because, as it goes, I got an interview
.

Which I failed.

And to be honest I was kind of glad, it took two hours to get to
work and the journey seemed long and arduous to tell you the
truth. I really wasn’t up to it, every day.

Although a job at Jessops would have been much
better [and interesting that working at Mothercare]
and would have helped me as well seeming that at
the time I was studying Photography at college so
the money off things would have been awesome.

It was then that I was told that my C.V had been forwarded to the
other branch of Jessops that was based in Bromley, only this one
was inside the Glades  a shopping centre that I had missed upon
my first visit to the town [just so’s you know Jessops has shops
all over the country and that interview went as such,

Nash – “So you’re Richard then”
Me – “Yes”
Nash – “So what’s your shirt size then?”

One of the shortest interviews on record I am sure [about as sure
as I am that these things are rarely recorded]. So I left Mothercare
and started to work for Jessops and thats when things got
interesting.



A photo of me just after I started at Jessops, I would have
been about 18 or so years old.

I’ll continue this story from time to time, writing it all in one go was
quite daunting. So make do with just this bit at the moment, which
to be honest you should have figured from the title of the post.

Hopefully this will be the start of me using my blog again
and hopefully that’ll mean using Flickr, Tumblr, twitter
and all the other sites I’ve been ignoring.

[don’t get offended if i seem absent minded]

For those of you who were wondering about the novel
[as I have received questions from about four people]
it stalled for a while. Which is totally my fault to be
honest. It’s because it’s part of my nature for some reason
to start things and not finish. I think photography was
the only hobby that actually stuck throughout my life.
Most others died pretty quickly.

I will be changing that though, this isn’t just a blog
saying how I failed and that’s it. No. This post is
basically to inform that I am going to now try even
harder. This novel WILL be completed there is no
doubt about that. I’m even more determined these days,
basically as I have nothing to do and have wasted days
recently. That isn’t a just a saying. I have actually been
wasting days. Oh well.

I’m going to Dublin in Ireland soon. Which should be
awesome. Been wanting to go there for a while and the
fact that the flight only cost £2 you cannot argue
with that.

I’m probably going to place another post up in a little
while, just for the fact that I’ve had an idea in my head
for a day or two now.

Ah well. Oh and I’ve also been thinking of doing a
video blog soon, which should be interesting. As I
have no idea what I ‘d be able to say in a video
blog that I couldn’t just write down. Any ideas?

Actually yeah. Any ideas??

That’s a thought. If there is anything that you would
want my to vlog on. Leave a comment :]