Monthly Archives: February 2010

[funwithpolaroidsofpeoplewhoareawesome]

About two or three months ago whilst perusing the
overlooked boxes of the local charity I came across
a great little camera. A Polaroid Supercolour 635.
Basically a polaroid camera that takes the standard
600 film. Just in case you were unaware I had broken
my other Polaroid camera. [we dont talk about it]

So obviously I bought it. For about £3. Love it.

But I had to wait till I visited home earlier this
month because I hadn’t packed the film with me
and it is increasingly hard to get these days. So
whilst I was back I put some into my bag [to be
honest I should blog on my time back, oh well].

So, I had ten photographs left. I had the first one taken
whilst Andrew and I were in the Storm FM studio.
The second I took on Bangor Pier. And the third….

When you only have ten photos left in a camera
and with no idea where your next lot is coming
from or indeed if that next lot will ever come
about. You make sure the photos are worthwhile.

Title:
[fun with polaroids of people who are amazing]
Alt Titles:
[you’re so cool I’d waste a polaroid on you]
[you’re so cool, I’d actually waste a polaroid just have you in it]

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[death list]

My death list consists of one item.

“All Fat Chicks”

they know who they are.

[absent minded]

There are some people that when they stare into
space for a period of time will remark that they
were thinking of nothing.

There are some people that when they stare into
space for a period of time will remark that they
were thinking of everything.

Either way it doesn’t mean that you’re gonna
find out what it is that they were thinking
about.

[this is also true]

[every road sign’s a reminder of exactly why we do this to begin with]

I am in a very strange place right now. Even
though that strange place is home.

Now that I live in Bangor that word has become less than
exclusive. I am able to call both Wales and England home,
and it feels very strange. I’m kind of finding it hard to
describe.

When I’m in one place it feels like I’m missing
out on opportunities in the other place. I call
both places home but also feel slightly estranged
from both. Which also makes me think as to
what I’m going to do when this Bangor based
adventure ends.

Do I stay in Bangor? If I do, I would have to find
somewhere else to live which I suppose wouldn’t
be amazingly difficult but at the same time. I would
have ‘done’ Bangor if that makes sense. I would of have
had the experience of it, which is probably a better
way to say it.

Do I return to my hometown? And if I do this,
I would probably have to think about actually finding
a career for the rest of my life and sort that out. But
to me that seems incredibly boring. Incredibly.

Or just disappear again. To pop back to hometown
after I have to move out of Bangor and within a couple
of months slip away again to another place/country.

The thing about this is that I have the worse
habit of not actually telling people that I’m
going away. And for some reason I can that
as being one of my character flaws. But on
the other side of that. I NEED to see the world.

I can’t just say to myself at twenty-two years old that
where I am is where I am going to be forever.

I just can’t.

I’m pretty sure I know which one of the three it’s going to
be. And I’m pretty sure you do too.

It’s not often that a primarily good person has to
make the choice between being selfish or not.
And picks the road that leads to selfishness.

But the truth is I haven’t really got anything tying me
down to anywhere. Oh the joys of beings me. It’s ok
to be envious just so’s you know.

[so fragile we are. so fragile we are we just don’t show it]

This is true.

I heard this line whilst listening to Gym Class Heroes song. And it
popped into my head that this is true. Well to me anyways, no
matter how fragile I may or may not feel people in general will
not have a clue because I rarely let people see that side to me.

The last time I can remember it happening was many
years ago. And I doubt it will be happening any time
soon, but, this doesn’t stop me being the person that’s
there when things go wrong.

I have seen the ‘fragile side’ shall we say of quite a few of the people
that I know and the strange thing is that I know for a fact that if
something went majorly for me, I would probably lie and say that
all is fine and devote some time to sorting it out on my own.

But hey, it stops people worrying about me, which is
what I like, I hate when people worry about me
because I always feel like they have better things to
be doing with there time.

I’m sure that one day I’ll grow out of this and allow myself
to be fragile with someone. But therein lies the rub, because
the moment I let myself enter that world of personal fragility
I will probably open my life to this person, everything that I
had always lied about, all the anxieties that I had ever had.
And that I’m sure I could never do.

Oh and the Gym Class Heroes song is ‘Shoot Down
The Stars’. It’s a good song, give it a listen.

[facebook status leads to poetry]

So having recently looked back on the haikus and
poems on this blog with Jeni I noticed something
quite worrying. It had been a while since  I had
posted any sort of poetry up and in that also realised
that it had been just as long since I had written a poem.

The problem is inspiration and not knowing what to write
about. I had actually forgotten this worrying thought when
this morning [whilst too tired to get out of bed] I updated
my status on Facebook. Just saying ‘tired’ and this led to
my flatmate commenting, and in the end resulted in me
making poetry.

I’m kinda happy about that.

In case you can’t read it, as it seems to have become bad quality
I’ll rewrite them.

Me –
I have a finite amount of days upon this mortal ride,
And it seems that sleep runs like a thief through my tired mind.
Stealing not gold nor items of much worth,
But only the time I have on this Earth.

Will –
But surely in sleep we discover our dreams,
Where mortal reality is ripped at the seams.
It is this that gives us our hopes and desires,
Till the day we march on to our own funeral pyres.

Me –
But with hopes and desires already considered,
There possibility having faded and withered.
Means that sleeps, the art of subtle realisation,
becomes nothing more that a practice in self deprecation.

I guess that poetic Richard is back.