[perhaps this is as good as it gets]

I have noticed something new about
myself, that, to be honest, I’m not
enjoying. Everything gets to me, all
of it. My mind has somehow lost the
ability to filter out the crap that
get thrown around on a daily basis.
Even things that have nothing to do
with me now have the power to wind
me up

And because of this I find moments of
calm [and not to re-reference myself,
happiness] further and further apart.
And this has now further led to me
disliking everything. I am not ready
to become this cynical person just yet.

Yet it is happening. I have actually
started to ignore people talking. Regardless
if it is about or too me. I just phase out
and even still when I blank out my mind
is blank.

But as always, I will find a way to turn
it around. Have done so before many
times and with situations much worse
than this.

One thought that does reoccur though,
regardless of where I am or what I’m
doing is that I feel I should be doing
much more than I’m currently doing.

But whenever I say ‘Do you ever hope
for more than there is?’ I receive no
answer, oh well. Time to pack it all
in and start again.

I’ll start on Monday, hopefully. Is
this as good as it gets?

2 responses to “[perhaps this is as good as it gets]

  1. yourownpersonalmonster

    i think we’re all a bit cynical at times, and we all get annoyed with every little thing sometimes. i’m sure it’ll all work out(:

    no, i don’t need someone selfish, which is why i gave him up. i don’t need him, and i don’t want him. he was just holding me back.

    i suppose you’re right with the whole liking someone thing. it gives me something to hope for, and it keeps me going.

    and yes, you should blog about that(:

  2. It gets better! If you have some free time, try reading Veronika decides to die by Paulo Coelho. It deals beautifully with the subject 🙂

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