I’ve never really been one for Dating.

I have never really been one for going on “dates” and generally I don’t go on them. Dates, to me, seem too false. You meet up with somebody and try to present yourself as an amazing person, witty, smart and fun to be around.

I usually compare people on dates to people who go for interviews for jobs that they don’t really want. You see these people being interviewed and they seem to present themselves as perfect for the role they have applied for. It’s only when you get them in the office/shop floor/wherever that you realised that all that time you invested in your new employee was actually wasted and they’re a bit of a dick that you can’t bare to be around for more than five minutes.

My own personal experience could be a big reason for my aversion to dating. As it goes, I was once on my way to a date and with about 5 minutes before I got to the pub where we said we were going to meet it suddenly occurred to me that I had no idea what her name was. At all. When I first met her I gave her a nickname and that’s what I called her. The date itself came about in strange circumstances. My boss had sent me out to get something for her and I had started talking to the lady behind the till [because I tend to be able to strike up conversation with anybody] and after purchasing the items for my boss was about to leave but was asked for my number. At that point in time I didn’t really want to give anybody my number. So, and I have felt slightly bad since, I gave her my fake number. And thought I got out of there ok, there was a short period where I thought I may have given her my real number but two weeks went by and I realised there were no phone calls or texts so I thought all to be well and that I had got away with my cruel misdead.

But nothing in life is that easy.

I had forgotten that during our chat, before I realised the road it had gone down, I had told here where it was that I had worked. Bad move. At the time I had worked in a very popular camera shop and a customer and his wife were in looking at binoculars. He picked up a pair and his wife said that she was going to look at another shop. And I thought that if he was going to play with binoculars I will too. So I picked up a pair and saw a blurry figure in the distance waving. So, me thinking it was the customers wife paid no mind [the customer and I were both looking in the same direction], but the blurry figure kept waving so I pulled it into focus and in a moment of terror I realised that it was that girl from the shop that I was looking at. And although it sounds like something from a terrible movie, I promise you it actually happened. The customer noting this said “Friend of yours?”. My reply being “Not exactly”.

So when she came into the shop and told me that she had tried the number and hadn’t been able to get through. So I feigned shock and surprise and she said that she was going to dial it and see if my phone went off. At that point I had to give her my actual number as she was standing there and I felt a little guilty [and needless to say cornered] because she had gone to all the trouble of tracking me down.

So, back to the date.

Girl [whose name to this day I cannot remember, the best I can tell you was that it started with either a J or K was late. Now this bugged me quite a bit, because I never like sitting in a pub by myself at the best of times and had to make friends with the people next to me. It’s easy enough done, but still hassle. She arrived and I still had no idea what to call her so I went with “Babe” and it worked well. But to be honest, throughout most of this date I just wanted to go home. I don’t know how people who date do it. Sitting there making small talk, trying not to make it to obvious that you’re bored witless.

Eventually [thank God] one of her friends came along and I managed to catch what her name was. That memory only lasted about 15 minutes.  And we met up with another of her friends. This guy, it was so obvious to tell that he liked “Babe” and she was totally oblivious. And he didn’t like me till I called him on it. With my trademark “So…How long have you fancied XX”. Looking stunned he admitted it was a long time. I really just wanted to go home.

It was later suggested that we went to a night club. I hate night clubs, and I really hated the night club we were going to. But I went, mainly because I had white trainers on and thought I wouldn’t be able to get in and could go round my friend’s house to watch some movies. As you have probably gathered I didn’t really have a romantic interest with this girl and I was kind of going along with it all. But, as I have said before in this post,

nothing in life is that easy.

He let me in! The bouncer who had been turning people away left right and centre let me in with jeans and white [muddy white] trainers. The night gets hazy from that point on but I remember [probably] kissing her and waking up at her house. Where I pulled out my patented ‘leave as early as possible’ manoeuvre. If I have slept round your house you know what I mean.

With this experience is it surprising that I don’t really go on dates. It seems so strange. For two people who barely [and in some cases don’t] know each other having to sit over dinner/movie/in a  bar and mandatorily be expect to have a good time in each others company. I swear that’s how they try and get pandas to mate, and it doesn’t work.

I’m sure there are worse stories of dating. A blog that I have recently started to read about dating is called – Book Editors You should check it out if funny
and a good read. Click the name above to go through to the blog.

This is the first post I have written for this blog in a long while and it’s kind of written in the style that I had lost, with which I had started this blog to begin with. It actually only came about because of a conversation I had today with a friend on mine as she was recounting her dating stories and this one just popped into my head. Well, hopefully you’ve enjoyed what you have read if you would like to see my photography blog feel free to click the link below.

Also feel free to add me on Twitter my onscreen name is: squarebrackets

[poem to the point]

I don’t know if it was love,
but it sure was close.
I laid there in the bed,
as you put back on your clothes.

As you made your excuses,
And left through the door.
I wondered if I felt anything for you anymore.

It was five years ago,
that you broke my heart in two.
But since then I thought of none other
than you.

But now that I’ve had you,
and my false feelings dismissed.
I only feel sad,
for the love that I have missed

It’s been a while so I thought I’d throw a poem on here. I did just this second make it up. so forgive me if it’s not that great.

[six line poem]

As I awake,
and see it’s day,
my dreams of you vanish fast.
But as I see,
you sleeping next to me
I know my dreams will last.

[one day I will own this city]

We’ll get married in the morning.
So if it doesn’t work out we wouldn’t have wasted the day.

[so fragile we are. so fragile we are we just don't show it]

This is true.

I heard this line whilst listening to Gym Class Heroes song. And it
popped into my head that this is true. Well to me anyways, no
matter how fragile I may or may not feel people in general will
not have a clue because I rarely let people see that side to me.

The last time I can remember it happening was many
years ago. And I doubt it will be happening any time
soon, but, this doesn’t stop me being the person that’s
there when things go wrong.

I have seen the ‘fragile side’ shall we say of quite a few of the people
that I know and the strange thing is that I know for a fact that if
something went majorly for me, I would probably lie and say that
all is fine and devote some time to sorting it out on my own.

But hey, it stops people worrying about me, which is
what I like, I hate when people worry about me
because I always feel like they have better things to
be doing with there time.

I’m sure that one day I’ll grow out of this and allow myself
to be fragile with someone. But therein lies the rub, because
the moment I let myself enter that world of personal fragility
I will probably open my life to this person, everything that I
had always lied about, all the anxieties that I had ever had.
And that I’m sure I could never do.

Oh and the Gym Class Heroes song is ‘Shoot Down
The Stars’. It’s a good song, give it a listen.

[and these are the rules by which I play]

Ok so tonight has re-proved something that I
already knew, I should probably start the
story at the start.

I would describe myself as cheeky but with an underlying
sense or morals and decency that some would [and have]
define as being a gentlemen.

So this is why when a member of the opposite sex
is making a pass a few things need to taken into
consideration, the first is whether she has been
drinking and how much, if it is too much in
comparison to me, I would walk her to her friends
or walk her home to make sure she got back OK.

Secondly, you have to look into the eyes, it’s a strange thing
to just say as a sentence so I’ll put it into a scenario. I left
a local club called Time and on the walk home I put my music
in [it's actually a two minute walk, but I love my music] and
without realising it I was singing the Simon & Garfunkel song
‘The Sound Of Silence’ and whilst walking noticed a shadow
walking astride mine. So I popped back the hood of my flatmates
jacket and saw a girl giving me a cute smile saying

“I really liked your singing by the way”

Without a hint of sarcasm [which is what you would have expected
had you heard my voice] and that when I noticed what was in her
eyes. It was what I usually have in mine which is a hint of
romantasism. I know it sounds strange but it is true.

And that’s why I said thank you for your compliment
and kindly made my way down my road, I don’t know
what it was but it was that hint in her eye that made
me think that she|

[ok as I'm writing this I'm finding it hard to put my thoughts
into words, which is annoying, so I'm leaving that part open
which sadly means that this part of the post is
non-conclusionary and for that I apologise]

What I must say though is that Mum must have
done a good job.

[of which I couldn't really care about]

OK, so it has been an admitedly long time since my last post
and this is not through lack of trying as I have gone to write
things for this blog during time and just ended up closing the
tab without actually saving the draft of the hundred or so
words that I had just written. Which I guess is the digital
likeness of throwing paper in the bin after spending ages
trying  to write something. Although this is more eco-friendly.

And it’s not even confined to the post editor that WordPress gives
you. I have even been writing notes [very long notes] in my phone
which are the outlines of blog ideas and on one or two entire posts,
and it was while looking back through these notes that I saw one
that I decided I was actually going to write about. It wasn’t an entire
blog entry but only a title.

‘Getting Bored Of The Fact That The Only People I Kiss
Recently I Don’t Actually Care About’

And it’s true, for at least a couple of months now it seems that the
only people I’ve kissed or done anything with I have absolutely
no feelings towards in that sense. I don’t ‘nothing’ them, but I
don’t feel any spark. And that’s not to say I haven’t felt the spark
but nothing happens with those people. And trust me, constantly
kissing people you have no romantic connection to is very boring.

Another thing that seems to be happening more recently
than it  did before is the fact that I’d have to say about
80-90% of them I don’t even know there names and most
of those I find hard to envision their face in my mind. It
kind of reminds me of the Brand New song Millstone.  Ah
well, I am hoping this will change, but the point of this
post was just to write something, to be able to say to
myself that I was actually putting my thoughts and feelings
back into this blog. And I have. :]

In the meantime before I figure out what to write about next or
indeed how to word what it is I’ve already written [albeit in note
form] enjoy this photograph of my looking ridiculously happy in Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch, Wales.

Apart from what I mentioned above, it’s actually quite fun
here.

Yeah that’s right. Tourist as fuck.

[what he wants in a woman]

So, I was having a discussion with a friend of mine
recently and seeming it was a conversation between
two men you can pretty much guarantee that it was
about girls.

But more specifically my friend was wondering what it
was that he was looking for in a girl. As some offers had
come up recently and he had turned them away.

One of his other friends [not me] asked him what it
was he was looking for in a girl and his answer was
that he wanted.

“Someone who I SHOULD be excited about seeing all
the time. Not somebody I should have to pretend to
be excited about seeing, you know?”

And yeah I did. He was basically saying that he
didn’t want to get with someone just because the
opportunity arose. But wanted to actually feel
something for someone. It got me thinking what I
would say I was looking for in a girl or who my
perfect girl was. And to be honest, I am ridiculously
picky for a guy in my position. Oh well. That
is how it goes.

Now I’m not actually going to write what it is I’m
looking for in a woman on here. That would be
highly odd. But I just wanted to comment on the
conversation because it did stick in my head.

Because not all guys are that picky and will just
settle for anything that comes along. Which is pretty
sad to be honest. Do people fool themselves that they
are in love just to make do?

[1001 lessons in love and still none the wiser]

Life, is supposedly made up of lessons. Which
people generally called ‘Life lessons’. Now a
life lesson is supposed to arise from every
major experience in your life [some people
also believe even the tiny things are also
life lessons, but we're going to stick to the
big stuff]. From every triumph and every
defeat, we, as people, are supposed to take
what we can from it and learn all that we
can.

Like for instance, going down a dark alley and
getting in a bit trouble, tells you to not to go
down dark alleys anymore, or having your heart
messed around with should show you how to be
able to recognise and avoid certain types of people
and the situations that they can bring, and so on
and so on.

But the thing about learning from the
mistakes you make in your life, it somehow
insinuates that you will suddenly [at some
undefined moment in your life] start living
mistake free. But, I have yet to see this
happen.

The reason for this blog stems from a drunken
conversation I had with my friend Simpson,
during which we discussed many things but
one of the topics that I continued to think about
the next morning [totally hangover free] was
that we had discussed how tired we were with
all these life lessons and just wanted things to
hurry and start properly without all the
messing around of having to have your head
[and your heart] messed around with.

The both of us had had enough [in
temperament  and quantity] of all these
life lessons that came along and trying
to figure exactly what it was that they
were ‘supposedly’ trying to teach us and
whether it was a different lesson every
time. Or whether we were just making
the same mistakes.

Maybe we were hoping for too much? You know?

It’s that old saying isn’t it? ‘Everything
happens for a reason’ and that ‘Good things
happen to those who wait’. These sayings
although widely used and antique in their
own sense are wrong. They just leave you
there accepting all the crap that happens
to you and waiting for something amazing
to just waltz into your life.

But as we all know, that just doesn’t happen.
It’s pretty shitty to be honest. Because
from what I’ve seen with the people around
me, the things that they want to just appear
out of the sky, were right in front of them the
whole time.

[i want to go home, i want to go home]

The title of this blog is actually the line I was
repeating to my boss from about ten past six
to seven today [it didn't help, because I left
at seven which is the time I was meant to be
working] and this is because at about ten to
five today I completely lost the will to work
anymore. So you can understand that by
about six I was really going insane.

As mentioned in a previous blog, I am being
made redundant and by that I basically mean
that by no fault of my own I won’t have a job
come the 19th of July this year [next month
basically] and at first I took this as a laugh [as
I tend to do] but it is actually getting more and
more apparent.

Now I know that the amount of people at
work who have ever read this blog are
small and the percentage of those few
that read it to begin with who still do is
pretty much zero. So I can be totally honest
if I feel I want to. And I do.

And the truth is that I will miss everyone
there a great deal. Because the truth about life
is, when I go the chances of constantly hanging
out with this [quite diverse and incredibly
interesting] group of people goes with it.
Because as we all know, once you leave a
school/college/workplace you don’t really stay
in touch with the friends you’ve made in these
places unless you live quite close. Which, I’m
afraid to say I do not. And coupled with the fact
I find it incredibly hard to stay in touch with
people will inevitably come out a negative result

I have been taking up things to distract me
from these thoughts as they swirl and swirl
around my head, like taking up piano again
or looking to start [actually] writing a
novel/short story. But it does all come back
to the fact that everything about this sucks.

It really does.

[denying them romance]

A few things….

So, recently I decided to give up on girls,
now when I say that I don’t mean that
I’m giving up on my female friends. But
I am giving up on girls in the romance
sense.

I mean no offence when I say this, but
all you ladies are crazy. When it concerns
the romantic side of things. Nothing
seems to be straightforward is that makes
sense, communicating with women seems
to be a series of traps and trick questions.
But when you’re [just] friends with them
everything is straightforward. Probably
the reason I always used to fall for my
female friends. Hmmm…

I have also given up on drinking, now
it can be said that my previous alcohol
consumption was a tad bit high, some
have even pondered that I may have been
running away from something but I
was always too drunk to over-analyse, ha.

So basically I have given up two of the
things that either took up my time or
pre-occupied my mind.And the odd thing
as a side product I’m eating better and
less as well.

This is a short blog I know but there is
not that much to update on. Buttt I
did just watch and episode of Scrubs on
Comedy Central and almost forgot that
this quote existed:

“Nothing In This World That’s Worth Having Comes Easy”

[the thought is the same but the language is lost]

I text you whilst drunk
My thoughts and feelings are out
Finally you know

[green]

my phone rings, lights up,
the screen shows me your name
I smile, then say hi

[another love haiku]

Sitting with my book
Waiting at the train station
I look up, your there

[just a quick thought]

In the day and age where money is
no object and anything is in some
way or another available to everyone
it has become more and more apparent
that people are only going after the
things that they can’t or in more cases
that none, shouldn’t have.

This can be the case with all things, including
that of relationships and what people feel
they need in their lives.

But, like a lot of things I could be wrong.
Ah well.