[it all started with a newspaper | part one]

My life at the moment and pretty much every
major thing that has happened in my life in recent
years is the result of my popping into my sisters
office and some unknown reason reading the
newspaper in 2005.

Now, back then this was pretty much an unknown thing,
me randonly popping into my sisters for one and reading
a newspaper for the other. Anyways whilst looking through
this paper I saw a job advertisement for a photogrpaher.

Now, although the job was based in Maidstone,
the interview was in Bromley. I had never been
to Bromley before so getting there was a bit of a
hassle [three very specific trains, on specific
routes, a lot more awkward than the route I later
figured out].

So I went for the interview and pretty knew there was no way I
was getting the job, they wanted somebody who was available
all the time and I was still at college. Ah well, but looking back
I do wonder how things would have been if I had got that job.

But anyway, I digress, upon leaving the interview
I had decided to have a walk around Bromley, seeing
as it was new and during my walk I happened upon
the Market Square branch of Jessops [a popular
photographic retailer] and thought that it would
do no harm to hand in a C.V to the shop.

This would turn out to be one of those of handed decisions that
would affect my whole life because, as it goes, I got an interview.

Which I failed.

And to be honest I was kind of glad, it took two hours to get to
work and the journey seemed long and arduous to tell you the
truth. I really wasn’t up to it, every day.

Although a job at Jessops would have been much
better [and interesting that working at Mothercare]
and would have helped me as well seeming that at
the time I was studying Photography at college so
the money off things would have been awesome.

It was then that I was told that my C.V had been forwarded to the
other branch of Jessops that was based in Bromley, only this one
was inside the Glades  a shopping centre that I had missed upon
my first visit to the town [just so's you know Jessops has shops
all over the country and that interview went as such,

Nash - "So you're Richard then"
Me - "Yes"
Nash - "So what's your shirt size then?"

One of the shortest interviews on record I am sure [about as sure
as I am that these things are rarely recorded]. So I left Mothercare
and started to work for Jessops and thats when things got
interesting.

A photo of me just after I started at Jessops, I would have
been about 18 or so years old.

I’ll continue this story from time to time, writing it all in one go was
quite daunting. So make do with just this bit at the moment, which
to be honest you should have figured from the title of the post.

Hopefully this will be the start of me using my blog again
and hopefully that’ll mean using Flickr, Tumblr, twitter
and all the other sites I’ve been ignoring.

[i'm in love with your daughter, i wanna have her babies]

Because when I got in from work today I
was stupid enough to get comfortable on
my bed and fell asleep for several hours.

So this meant that I wasn’t able to sleep
last night which is annoying as I’m up now
and I need to be at work in less than two hours,
so I thought that I would write a blog entry,
it has been a while. Hasn’t it?

First off, in regards to the previous post, and
for those that don’t know I started writing
a book when I was really bored in the
departure lounge of an airport and recently
found it again and placed the first chapter
on wordpress as a blog [the aforementioned
'previous' blog] and it got generally good
feedback. Apart from a few grammatical
mistakes, it was all good. If you’ve not read
it, please do and comment. I sent a message
on Facebook to my favourite author Mike Gayle
and he like it. So that was awesome. Only
annoying thing is that the second chapter
is terrible in comparasion so that needs alot
of re-writing.

I went to Facedown on Friday. Which is a
once monthly club night held in Scala in
Kings Cross in London. And I don’t think that
I’ll be going again for some time. And this
isn’t because I had a terrible time. It’s because
it was probably one of the best nights out
I have had in a long time. And I don’t think
I need to go out for a while because of how great
that night was, other nights won’t really be
able to compare.

I may have a part-time job sorted for when I leave
Jessops in less than two weeks.

I got Regina Spektor’s new album [that's what
the title is about] and it’s actually pretty good.
I’ve had a quick listen to La Roux’s album and
also the new album by Jack Penate. Definite
buy’s for when I get some more money

I may have an actual website soon, but it’ll most
likely be a link site for my flickr and this blog and
so forth. And there you go, a four hundred word catch
up blog on what I have been up to recently.

I didn’t sleep last night, this feels odd. Although
the Sunrise this morning probably worth it. But
now I look outside it seems to be raining.

[i want to go home, i want to go home]

The title of this blog is actually the line I was
repeating to my boss from about ten past six
to seven today [it didn't help, because I left
at seven which is the time I was meant to be
working] and this is because at about ten to
five today I completely lost the will to work
anymore. So you can understand that by
about six I was really going insane.

As mentioned in a previous blog, I am being
made redundant and by that I basically mean
that by no fault of my own I won’t have a job
come the 19th of July this year [next month
basically] and at first I took this as a laugh [as
I tend to do] but it is actually getting more and
more apparent.

Now I know that the amount of people at
work who have ever read this blog are
small and the percentage of those few
that read it to begin with who still do is
pretty much zero. So I can be totally honest
if I feel I want to. And I do.

And the truth is that I will miss everyone
there a great deal. Because the truth about life
is, when I go the chances of constantly hanging
out with this [quite diverse and incredibly
interesting] group of people goes with it.
Because as we all know, once you leave a
school/college/workplace you don’t really stay
in touch with the friends you’ve made in these
places unless you live quite close. Which, I’m
afraid to say I do not. And coupled with the fact
I find it incredibly hard to stay in touch with
people will inevitably come out a negative result

I have been taking up things to distract me
from these thoughts as they swirl and swirl
around my head, like taking up piano again
or looking to start [actually] writing a
novel/short story. But it does all come back
to the fact that everything about this sucks.

It really does.

[wasted days you've come to pass]

Today in my shop I had a visitor, a
friend of mine. This does happen usually
but this is a person who I don’t see that
often.

So as we exchanged pleasantries and the
‘how have you beens’ the conversation
took a turn. To the best of my memory
it went like this

“So how are you?” She said

“I’m ok thanks, you?” I said

“I’m good, how’s work?” She replied

“Same old same old, you know”

Right there, that’s where for some reason
I automatically lied. Because the thing is
I’m being made redundant and sometime
in July I won’t have a job any more.

Feels odd to write it, oh well. These things
do happen. Especially in an economic
recession, they do seem to always happen
to me though. I’m keeping a good mood
about this. Yeah.

On a more positive note I’m still not
drinking alcohol. Which seems to have
led to a slight weight loss and my disinterest
in girls [in the romantic sense] is still going
on. Although it did make my friend think
I had become homosexual. Two friends in
one day. Go me.

[museum day is fast approaching]

On the 18th of May it is International Museum
Day, a random fact for me to give you I am
sure, but hey,

http://icom.museum/imd.html

I’ve got a busy few days ahead of me, I’ve got
to go out tomorrow night. Which although
is nowhere near the norm I do believe it will
go on until the morning hours of Saturday
morning.

Then I have to go to work. This is making
me giggle while I write this because it’s
been a while. Then I have to try to get out
of work early. Because straight afterwards
I’m going to Brighton. Top fun. Lucky I have
Sunday off hey.

I’m actually looking forward to Brighton as
well because I haven’t been in ages, like two
years methinks.

Recently I was tidying my room and came
across a novel I was yet to read thorugh and
then I found another, and another, and
another so I decided to list them. I have to
read 23 books with a page count over 7000.

This is going to take forever, good thing
I like reading so damn much, or maybe
it’s the buying books side of it? =]

[no boat nor bridge, or crucifix can hold me back]

Today, at work, my friend Andrew
and I were standing about on the
shop floor. It was a quiet time, where
there were no customers and little
to do.

So obviously we fill the time with light
hearted conversation. During which he
turned to me and said

“It must be fun to be you”

“How so” I replied

“To not have a care in the world”

To which I replied with a quick remark
of something or other and carried on
with the day, but like most things that
people say to me recently it does not
sink in straight away. It waits in the
back of my brain for a few hours and
then hits me full force in the face whilst
my mind maybe contemplating other
menial things.

If we were to look at another example of
how my mind is slow but powerful. I was
walking around Bluewater Shopping Center
last Tuesday where I happened to happen
upon a friend of mine. I asked if I could join
and she said yes. Now as we were walking
around and I was doing my usual habit of
trying to fit as much information about as
much as possible in the little time that I had.

About fifteen minutes into this, whilst she
was sitting enjoying a cigarette she looked up
and said;

“Richard? Does it scare you that we’re adults?”

“Not at all Steve, it’s an adventure” is all that
I could come out with. But whilst I was on the
bus ride home. It started to sink in. I’m an adult
now, does this mean that the fun is over? That
the time spent absent mindedly was wasted?

Not at all, although since that conversation
it has scared me slightly to realise that I’ll
soon be 22 [22? fuck]. I’ve got a plan, as loose
as it is, I have a plan. Come the middle of August
and that when I’ll start the travels. Europe will
become my bitch. Till then I have to stop the
travels otherwise I’ll be stranded.

It’s annoying that Steve can still get into my
head, haha.

[I'd go the whole wide world to find out where they hide her]

I now have a plan. In so far to say I
have an idea and I’m going to stick
to it.

I am going to save money and
then using said saved money
travel around Europe for a month
and then after that probably
venture over to America

Because, recently, more than ever,
[and although I love this place] I
am getting so bored of it and I’ve
realised quite a few people that I
know pretty much have their whole
lives planned out. [pretty much]

They’ll get married, get that house,
have the children an grow old, I
really cannot fathom that. Even if
I do meet ‘the one’ any time soon.

And if I did meet ‘the one’, that person
for which I’m meant to spend the rest
of my life with then they too should
want to spend the time we have seeing
as much as there is to see in the world.

But I digress, back to the point. This
summer I am going to see Europe and
I’m going to be seeing it alone anyways.
I don’t know why, but I think I’ve gotta
do it alone you know?

[a view on valentines day and love, one day too late]

My view on valentines may be slightly
askew, this is because all my valentines
have been spent single. This does not
necessarily mean alone. Just single.

And this is it. I think Valentines Day is
great. Seriously. Romantics like myself
are in our element on this day.

I like the idea that for one day of the
year there are couples out there trying
to make that evening perfect for the
other person in their life. Not only
that, the most important person in
their life.

Running all over the place trying to
make things just right. It’s great.
This year [or the ones before] you
may have noticed your male friends
turn to romantic mush for their
lovers.

Even I got stuck at work writing love
notes and poems for the girls I work
with. Not my best work, but they
seemed to like them. I was doing that
for most of my day at work yesterday
and then after work I went to the
pub with my mate Andrew it was
an alright day in general.

And even though it does remind one
on how single they actually are. I
don’t get annoyed, I actually get
cheerful. Love is awesome. A day to
solidify that fact keeps the hope alive.

Quite a few people stare blankly when
Valentines is mentioned many saying
that they have not truly experienced
anything that could be described as
love. Or that what they thought was
love at the time really wasn’t.

Thing is, I’ve  been in love a few times
before, and if what I felt wasn’t love
then love would probably be more
powerful than I’d be able to take.

Happy Valentines People x

[photo of square.brackets]

[just in case you were wondering what
it is that I looked like] x

[photograph taken by James Molloy]

[what you could have done]

Standing at work.

“Richard?”

“Yeah”

“How much did you holiday
cost you?”

“Um, flights, hotel and what not,
about £171″

“Wow, think what you could have
done with that money?”

“Yeah, I did it”

=]

Coversation between me and my boss.
[My part of the conversation in bold]

Jessops Bluewater
19th January 2009

[i've got the shoulders apparently]

I’ve recently gotten used to the fact
that as well as being ‘that guy’ [the
one people can tell anything too], I
appear to also be that shoulder.

I somehow, over the past couple of years,
have become the shoulder to cry on. I say
‘couple of years’ because I don’t remember
anyone doing it before this.

It struck home at a work party, well in
actuality it was the after party, which
if I was to get into more detail. The time
between getting into the place we were
staying and getting everyone to bed
[which I had to end up doing].

But in this time I had two people crying
on my shoulder. With one of them it had
happened before and we get on really well,
so if I suddenly looked down and she was
crying on my shoulder I would ask what was
wrong obviously but wouldn’t be too surprised.

The other person on my shoulder was a
surprise though. not for the fact that
they were crying but because me and this
other person hardly talk, we generally chat,
but nothing of great substance and then
there I was. Saying how proud I was of
them and saying that they were doing way
better than I would have done in the
situation I was in.

Almost revealing a part of myself I’d
decided to keep secret, just to comfort
another person. is this the person I am
now? The one that has to cope with his
own worries as well as everyone elses.

[I would like to point out also that
neither of these people cried because
of something I had done]

[fake.love.note]

So, I was at work on Sunday and as
I was walking past the kitchen at
work and I saw Izzy with a pen and
notepad.

“What are you writing babe?” I asked,
Izzy then turned around and said that
she had no idea what to write. So I
replied;

“Write me a love note, oh, and make
sure it’s in pencil”

So here it is, a lovely fake love note
=]

I thought it was quite pleasant, lol

Also thought it would make a nice
celebratory post as this is post
number 100. I never thought it
last this long.

[yeah, i enjoyed it]

[work was awesone and so was halloween]
[i'm the guy on the right]

[am i going downtown for halloween]

[fuck no, I'm going uptown with my
best friend Tommi]

[this is what I wore last year and I'm
thinking of doing it again this year,
but better]

[i'm also going to photoin an awesome
band, oh and if you were wondering
who i am amongst this lot, i'm the guy
in the bloodied up lab coat]

[more eye make up and blood this year
me thinks]

[actually to be honest, i'm going to
uptowns downtown, but hey, it's
better than downtowns uptown]

[oh oh oh, and i forgot the awesome
bit, i may actually get to wear it at
work 2morrow as well] [this is awesome
to me]

[the next step we're thinking] [De Montfort University - Leicester, UK]

[Photography+Video] BA [Hons]

[Provides students with the opportunity
to think creatively and critically and to
produce their own unique work using
traditional photography, digital media,
video and sound]

[Excellent facilities include digital video
editing suites, studios, digital imaging
Mac lab and darkrooms]

[All full-time academic staff have exhibited
internationally and are practising photographers
and film makers]

[As well as photography and video, the course
has a strong digital media slant, looking at the
Internet’s potential for delivering work to new
audiences and at the development of holograms]

Photography and Video BA (Hons) | De Montfort University – Leicester, UK.

[now if you read the post '[see me, sans degree]‘
you would have seen my views on this but
then again, and I have been thinking of this
a bit [since Ali at work kept saying "Your
wasted here [jessops] you should be at uni]

[but I don't have much keeping me here]