[blocked]

In this new and digital age we are able to
[more easier than ever] decide who can
talk to us and when they can talk to us.

Mainly with Facebook and MSN as my
examples. I mean why is it so hard to
just tell people flat out that we don’t
want to talk to them?

Instead, we block them, or put them
on limited profiles, hoping, that they
don’t find out. Hoping that they don’t
go round a friends house and see the
version of MSN/facebook that we don’t
want them to see.

This has happened to a few friends of
mine and I myself have been on the
receiving end. I would be talking to
a friend and I would say:

“How often is she online these days?”

“Like all the time, why?”

“Haha, well she doesn’t show up
on mine?”

“Ah”

“Fuck it, lets get drunk”

[A little sidenote, alcohol solves all of
lifes problems, well mine anyways, I
don't know how it works for the rest of
you]

This little point recently hit home when I
logged onto MSN a few weeks ago and
there were 7 people online at the time.
Six were blocked and the other I really
wasn’t in the mood to talk to, but hey.

The point that I am trying to make
is although, being able to decide who
can talk to us at given time is no
doubt a great advantage in the short-term
scheme of things.

It does promote cowardice and the
inability to talk straight to people. This
isn’t a declaration about how I’m going
to unblock certain people. Cause in
all honesty I can’t be arsed. =]

[i've got the shoulders apparently]

I’ve recently gotten used to the fact
that as well as being ‘that guy’ [the
one people can tell anything too], I
appear to also be that shoulder.

I somehow, over the past couple of years,
have become the shoulder to cry on. I say
‘couple of years’ because I don’t remember
anyone doing it before this.

It struck home at a work party, well in
actuality it was the after party, which
if I was to get into more detail. The time
between getting into the place we were
staying and getting everyone to bed
[which I had to end up doing].

But in this time I had two people crying
on my shoulder. With one of them it had
happened before and we get on really well,
so if I suddenly looked down and she was
crying on my shoulder I would ask what was
wrong obviously but wouldn’t be too surprised.

The other person on my shoulder was a
surprise though. not for the fact that
they were crying but because me and this
other person hardly talk, we generally chat,
but nothing of great substance and then
there I was. Saying how proud I was of
them and saying that they were doing way
better than I would have done in the
situation I was in.

Almost revealing a part of myself I’d
decided to keep secret, just to comfort
another person. is this the person I am
now? The one that has to cope with his
own worries as well as everyone elses.

[I would like to point out also that
neither of these people cried because
of something I had done]

[quote | squarebrackets]

[the most annoying thing
about being a hopeless
romantic, is the hopeless
part]

squarebrackets 2008
[whilst commenting yourownpersonalmonster's blog]

[love is a losing game]

I’ve been thinking this for some time,
mainly due to a song by Amy Winehouse,
but mainly because it is how I feel at
the mo.

If i was to describe myself, I would
say that I was a hopeless romantic.
I have the habit of holding one girl
above all others.

I do actually believe in love and
that when you find that person
there will be an amazing story behind
it. Like how you met or how it was
an uphill struggle but you both knew
it was meant to be.

But, my problem, and this is a
consistent problem that I have had
from about the age of four is that
I tend to pick girls that I have
little or no chance with.

Which has meant, that because
of this particular single mindedness
I have missed opportunities with
some lovely people. Things that
could have become something
special.

But instead I used silly
excuses and fake numbers to
get them out of my way. This
all dawned on me recently, is
a stupid thing to have been doing.

So I have decided [and I'm going
to try and keep it like this] to stop
waiting for something that 9.5/10
times doesn’t pan out in my favour.

The fake numbers and excuses stop
now. I shall encounter all that come
my way.

Because when it comes to me and
my emotions I’m guessing that a
lot of the time I’m just kidding
myself anyways, so what’s the
point of waiting for something or
someone that most likely doesn’t
feel the same.

So, I’m stopping the romantic me for
a while.

Oh well.

Protected: [i saw a photo today and felt pretty much nothing out of the ordinary]

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[my internet]

it practically doesn’t work
allowing me to go onto a
website for a short while
then cutting out. Hardly
ever allowing me to on MSN
and the like.

But on the other side of this,
I have actually been able to
get more reading done, whoop!

And also writing in my notepads
=]

[losing my phone numbers]

Now, I would first like to state that
I did not lose my phone, it broke. And
so it was arranged by my phone
company to give me a new one.

[which was nice f them]

Now with every phone I’ve had I
was in the habit of saving the
phone numbers to the sim card,
should anything happen.

So when I gave the old phone back
popped my sim card into my new
phone imagine my surprise where
only three phone numbers popped
up. Numbers I was sure I had deleted.

So, after a few seconds of deliberation
I [once again] deleted those numbers.

And from there had to go on a quest
to find more numbers. It allowed me
to realise that there are alot of people
I never seem to contact. And since
then I’ve basically been editing whose
numbers I look out for.

For example there was no need to
get the number of the barmaid in Spain.
Because I would never call her. That sort
of thing.

Although it has led to awkward moments
where someone will message me and I
won’t be able to figure out who it is. And
then having to ask who that person is,
little tip, some people take it ok, but quite
a few don’t.

[little note]
I had to start a group on Facebook to
ask for numbers. Twenty-five people
have joined so far. And only about
six or seven gave me their numbers.

Doesn’t really make sense does it?
Oh well.

[notes from my mobile phone]

Shape
Thought
Colour
Design
Process

[this is art to me]

-

Don’t dream it, be it

-

Buses seem to take forever,
to get me from where
I am, to you

-

I’ve wasted every helium balloon
I was given, by not having something
witty to say

-

Today I saw a wasp and for a
few beautiful seconds I mistook
it for a butterfly

-

A little advice my friend, take
time to listen

-

the d[evil] and g[o]od are
raging inside me

-

to know the value of
straws

-

someone could come here,
and ask for my love,
I’d most likely give it to them
straight away,
because I’ve given up

-

your heart shines to me like a
glow in the dark star when
all the lights go out

-

sadly, the only thing that I find
truly disappointing about life
is that when those big moments
in life do pop up, there is a
distinct lack of background music

-

do we sometimes love the
people we hate?

-

as people [from a young age] we
are taught not to settle, that the
thing we really want is just around
the corner

-

life doesn’t work that way

-

you ask my name,
but you’re not to blame,
if I was you,
looking at me,
I’d probably do the same

-

there are two types of tourist,
those who check maps and
those who just hold them

-

on the bus back from Oslo we
were chasing the sunset
-

Let me explain;

recently my mobile phone
broke and it needed replacing
and my phone company [Virgin
Mobile if you were wondering]
said they would replace it free
of charge. I was happy.

But it did alert me to one
problem, you see I got into
the habit of writing notes on
my phone when a notepad wasn’t
handy to me.

So I spent 45min copying them
all into my notepad, which,
with a broken phone, is annoying.

So here they are, most of them
anyways, some notes stay in the
notepad, thing is [and you will
have found this], the notes
probably wont make too much sense.

If you want any explained,
comment the blog and I’ll
explain. Laters x