[relationships at their most basic level]

As I got the B bus home from Bluewater
today, I cracked it. I was actually able
to describe relationships at their most
basic level [or at least attempt to].

Now i would like to say, this actually
wasn’t on my mind until I cracked it.
I was actually thinking of getting home
and enjoying my Cesear Salad [Thank
You Andrew] and as I sat down, it
just popped in there.

[I'd also like to say I am not an expert,
not in the slightest, I'm just a guy with
an opinion, and a place to air said opinion]

[namely here]

So, relationships.

Like I said before I think I figured out
what they are all about and what
drives them.

It’s comfort.

When you think of a relationship that
may happen or a happy one that you
are in. Along with the happiness don’t
you feel a massive sense of comfortability
with regards to that other person?

Oh well, those are my thoughts, which
remember formed when i sat down on
a bus. But think about it, you think
of five or so happy relationships that
you are aware of, the most common
denominator to those five or so
relationships is comfort. And possibly
reliability, but mostly comfort.

To note:
This wasn’t ever going to be a massive
blog, trying to keep the ramblings on
this one to a minimum.

But if you have any views on what I said
on the subject feel free to comment or
whatever.

[something is not right with me]

[how was I supposed to know?]

I have realised, [through the
observations of others, not
my own] that I am without a
doubt [at times] considered
odd. Thing I do and opinions
I have, have recently sparked
a sort of filter in my mind as
to whether my thoughts are
considered ‘the norm’ by most
people. And [errrr] they’re not.

Although this spark of realisation
didn’t start at work, it’s as good
a place as any. At work it was
pointed out that when I stand
my arm sits funny [something
that is not only very camp but
had gone unnoticed by me all these
years]. Umm, what else was there,
oh yes one of my hands was
bigger than the other. And yesterday
everybody finally realised that
my eyes are a deep dark brown,
so much so that it has been said
[on more than a few occasions]
that I don’t have any pupils. Ah well.

But thats just the work lot, my
friends that have known me
longer and [ergo] have spent
more time around me have seen
a few more quirks. Which include
freaking out over little things
[they hid my rubber/eraser] and
not being able to leave things,
like for instance as a test my
keys were put on the floor and
I was told not to pick them up.

I didn’t last long.

What I have written above is
a rather brief account of my
personal oddities, but oh well.
Thing is, I am not going to
try to change because although
something is wrong with me,
doesn’t mean I’m broken…yet.

lol

[xkcd comic] [for the geek in me] =]

Upon reading this I went on Wikipedia.org
and researched anything on this I didn’t
already know about, took ages but I feel
better for it.

Because that is what I use the internet for
these days [besides blogging and MSN of
course] self research. Say for instance I’m
watching a DVD or a television show and
a character says something I don’t know
or understand the reference for, I get the
laptop and look it up.

Thus the great power of the internet,
oh and I am aware that going from an
informative and amusing comic to
a validation of the internet for self
research is quite a segway, but if
you read this blog, it’s what you should
expect.

[Just wait till I write the blog I've been
planning that completely U-Turn's on
what I just said]

[any views you know the drill, comment]

[early love] [end of love]

Early love,
So soft and warm
Greatest fear,
Is to be torn
From the illusion
Of which this love was born.

So tender,
the skin lay on my back,
the arm over my shoulder
but sadly I lack.
The amount of love
that you deserve.
And although this is true,
so many things aren’t.

You fell in love
with the guy you met.
Who, although sadly,
recently lacks the heart.

[when sorry isn't enough]

There have always been times in
life where just saying “I’m sorry”
doesn’t [and just cannot] cover it.

I know, I’ve been in that situation
many a time, with different people
and different reasons behind it.

The question I pose is this:

How do you get someone
[who already doesn't believe
your sincere] to believe how
sorry you truly are?

I myself have tried different
methods in this situation,
but, I think I’ve cracked it.

Here’s the tip, just walk
away. If you find that
everything you do remains
unsuccessful. Just leave,
and after a while, strangely
enough, this seems to
translate how sorry you are.

Now I’m not saying that this
will work all the time, but it
took me years to figure
out so its the way I’m gonna
do it from now on.

If you feel you have any
opinions [contrary or not]
to what I have said, feel
free to comment. =]

[poem] [05:29]

I was hiding,
But again you found me.
Unawares,
As I was laying there drowsy.

Me and you have been close before.
I thought I knew you,
but you were something more.
I was in love with the idea of love,
Now With my heart no longer on the floor.

So love,
again you have found me,
and again I must must fall for your
every wish,
Because without you,
life is scary and grey,
How long could I have lasted like this.
I’ll call her to let her know I’m ok.

[wow, thats actually pretty bad, oh well
if you didn't get it, it's basically someone
hiding from love]

[guess I can't write them anymore] [05:31]

[note] [1]

I visited my Flickr account and
saw that there was a new homepage
available. So I clicked it. I suggest
that everyone do this. Just for
the elevator music that comes up
as it changes

x

[how will you be remembered?]

[This blog is in two parts the immediate
and the far future] [kind of] [ok, let's go]

Thoughts are on random at the moment
but this has lead to three consecutive
blogs in the middle of the night with
a much richer vocabulary than you
would usually find on this blog, which
probably making regular readers wondering
whether it is actually me who is the writing
tonight.

But alas it is me. What you are witnessing is
a strange phenomenon which happens to me
late at night. I just get better at writing [this
lead to alot of my coursework being done late
at night which greatly exasibated my
sleeping issues, but, as always I digress].

I do wonder at times how I will be
remembered and what it is I will be
remembered for. I’m sure there are
alot of things I have done that I am
proud of that will not be remembered
in the long run and at the same time
exploits I’d rather forget will probably
haunt me for years to come. Shit.

Obviously the stupid things I’ve done
in my late teens/early twenties are of
no consequence to future Richard. Now
future Richard has been mentioned
before on this blog, he is the thirty
or so year old version of me who reminisces
too much and tells stories of events that
are probably unfolding at this very moment
that [as an older version of me] future Richard
has a better insight and understanding of.

I’d like to think that I’d be remembered
for trying to be there for the people
around me. But I am posing the question,
[and comments would be very welcome]

Questions
1: How would you like to be remembered?

2: How do you think you’ll be remembered?
Go on, by commented you become part
of an interesting squarebrackets survey
of the [up to now] silent readership
wouldn’t you say?

x

[loose lips]

So if you wanna burn yourself
Remember that I love you
So if you wanna cut yourself
Remember that I love you
So if you wanna kill yourself
Remember that I love you

Call me up before your dead.
We can make some plans instead.
Send me an IM,
I’ll be your friend.

Loose Lips
By Kimya Dawson
From the Juno Soundtrack

[just popped up on random
on iTunes, I should really get
some sleep [4:31am] oh dear]

[amazing song though]

[your not doing this alone]

I have realised, through slight
revision of past conversations
with a variety of people [whether
over the internet or conversations
face-to-face] that I have a habit
of trying to be there for people.

I mean I’ve always known this
but I never really knew the extent
until I took a few minutes to
reflect on what it is I do as a person
and how I will probably be remembered
by those around me [blog for the future].

Bad thing is though.
I try.
And at times I can
fail miserably.

This does not discourage me
however from wanting to help
where I feel I can. I find personal
comfort at times in being ‘that
guy’, the ‘shoulder to cry on’
because sitting there and just
listening [I have found] can
work way better than trying to
spew out random advice.

Problem with being ‘that guy’
is that you tend to focus on
keeping everyone else happy.
It’s pretty easy to forget about
yourself.

Take it from someone who knows.

So if there are any of you
nice guys reading this, this
is my advice:

Take a little time [a few minutes
a day] to reflect on your own life.

Take a risk or two [or three], like
I commented in a previous blog,
they are totally worth it.

Find someone who wants to help
you. Because trust me, you need
help just like everyone else.

That’s all really, but seriously,
take the advice to heart.

[a little less conversation]

So you stand there in the awkward
silence that is the end product of
one of the most common situations
I seem to find myself in. I’ll set
the scene:

You just finished work and your
tired, as always seems to be the
case these days [a little worrying,
but I won't sidetrack] and you
bump into someone, now most
[and we're talking 9/10] of the
time it’ll be someone you’ve seen
in ages. Now alot of the time you
can just say “Heya” they say it back
and you don’t lose the momentum
of your walking pace. But.

There are always those times [those
annoying times] where your initial
“Heya” isn’t met with a duplicate
response devoid of true conversation
but in their error the other person
slows down, turns, and says “I’m
good thanks, how have you been?”.

Your mind then races with options
but out of politeness you daren’t
just leave and not acknowledge this
introduction to conversation, so you
turn around and reciprocate with
your own half of this now growing
rhetoric.

Now, I try, believe me, I try and be
sociable. I am much more so than
in previous years [and less so at
the same time]. But after work, a
task draining in its [at times]
monotonous nature. But if I don’t
slow down, don’t believe me to be
anti-social or worse anti-you. It’s
just that I’m tired. And when I’m
tired I lack the tools for appropriate
conversation.

What do you do in these situations?
Really?

Do you [at risk of seeming fake]
feign a conversation and [at times]
interest?

Or do you lay it out flat, full on
honesty. say that you have had
a long[ish] day at work and you
feel drained and need sleep. I’ve
done this once or twice but it was
one of my best friends, so they
fully understood.

But 9/10 times it seems that
I take the cowards route and
resort to the first solution,
sadly I’m pretty good at it.
It’s actually easier than
maintaining a real conversation
at times.
Oh well.

[Little Green Book] [lyric]

[From the song entitled 'Norman']

Never, ever,
Could I ask,
For anything,
But you.

No-one before,
Or after,
Has brought sunshine
to my life,
In the way, that you
do.

For more songs like this
and mixture of a load of
other stuff go to:

http://www.myspace.com/littlegreenbook

[all stuff copyright 2008]

and for more info [even though
you should really find it on the
myspace, check the page on this
blog called '[little green book]‘.

[proper blogs to come soon]

[this photo]

Upon putting the love knot photo up on this
blog a few days ago [it wsa in the blog entitled
'[remember the great times] [2]‘] my friend
Andrew [http://mrhappy88.wordpress.com]
made a blog of photographs that make him
smile.

Its actually a pretty kool blog and I suggest
that you go visit the blog. And it popped in
to my head because at this moment I’m
speaking to another good friend of mine.
[well two if you count Simpson, but she's
not in the photo, i hope, lol] it reminded
of a photo that makes me smile [so much
so I placed on my new computer without
even thinking about it].

This photo was taken on the 26th June 2006.
Alot has changed since then, but this, is still
one of my favourite photos. Gotta love camera
phones.

[polaroids | clouds]

Now this polaroid can blamed on
my friend Holly. She has a habit
of taking photographs [and
with a good portion of this
being polaroids] of clouds.

So heres my most successful
attempt. Enjoy.

=]

[mercury] [19th]

If you read my recent blog
on DMU then you’ll know
that I planned to call them
to discuss my future.

Well I e-mailed them, with
the address supplied on the
website, but I found myself
constantly checking my
e-mails.

So I decided to watch a
DVD [Law And Order:
Criminal Intent] just to
distract me for a bit.

When the episodes had
finished I decided that I
had shown enough restraint
and checked my e-mails
and there it was.

And basically after all this
waiting, it said that it was
best for me to just call
them to discuss any questions
I had about the course.

[Fucks sake]

Well I did it. On Friday I
called up De Mont Ford
in Leicester and asked
to speak to student
recruitment.

I am not ashamed in
admitting I was actually
nervous [and more than
slightly scared] as I dialed
the number and as the phone
rang [and rang] but then the
guy who sent me the E-mail
[John] answered.

And you know what?
This guy wasn’t only
one of the nicest people
I had talked to on the phone
in recent memory. He was
extremely helpful and
actually [without realising it]
calmed me down a bit about the
whole thing.

So after the phone call I went
onto the UCAS website and
started the application form.

So there it is.

First steps to something amazing,
or the build up to failure?

FOOTNOTE:
I probably won’t mention this
again, just in case it all fuck’s
up.