[ever had a moment?]

So tonight I was on the cab home
[or rather in] and we were going
along, me drunkenly in the back
and the cab driver [obviously]
in the front seat telling me
about a previous passenger that
had annoyed him.

At this point we were at some
lights that had been red [albeit
only for a few seconds] where
I had to ask him to stop talking.
As rude as that was, it had to
done. Because, at those red
lights I came across something
quite rare.

Everything was still.
Everything was perfectly still.

This may not seem to be anything
of great astoundment to anybody
but you probably don’t understand
truly what I mean. Nothing was
moving, at all. There were no people
walking down the street, there were no
cars anywhere nearby and there was
no wind.

I looked upon the scene laid out
before me, strangely calmed by it.
Nothing would be moving, It’s
seemed eerily beautiful. And the
funny thing is that I know I haven’t
conveyed it in a way you will
understand, oh well. I’ll just try and
remember it for myself.

[This happy blog was requested
by Simpson, have fun]  =]

[who am i?]

Basic answer, I am Richard.
But by posing this question
on my blog, I’ve obviously
not come here to pose simple
questions towards you, but
to hopefully take this subject
a little deeper.

[And don't worry, this isn't
a self-indulgent blog to try
and make myself feel better]

Fine, go.

The need to question who we
are and what we are doing
generally stems from needing
to gauge a comparasion, a
comparasion between where
you are and where you want to
be. It [along with most human
acts in my opinion] is
ultimately healthy. It allows us
to see how far away from our
goals we are.

Although, like all things that can
be considered good, there can be
a point where things mess up, if
you question where you are and
what your doing to often. Then
you realise that the more often
you check up on your life, the
greater the increments appear
to be.

[It kinda runs on the same theory
of time seeming to slow when you
constantly check your watch]

Now as you sit there [wherever you may be],
and not necessarily now, but in the not too
distant future. Taking valuable stock of the |
place that you are currently in, your station
in life if you prefer. You must consider the
last time you took stock and how far you have
come since then, towards your goal, towards
your dream.

Because dreams don’t have to be unattainable,
just because they’re named after those strange
visions you see when your asleep doesn’t make
them any less real. Most peoples dreams are
[and this can be alot of the time] subject to
change due to some unforeseen event. But
no matter how they change they are still there
acting as the drive behind most of your
decisions. Make them the good ones.

[views on heartbreak]

Totally worth it.

No, seriously.

The way I see it, its an essential part
of human emotional growth, and
without it I don’t think that many
of the well-adjusted people that
you see from day to day would be
who they are.

And like most people I have experienced
this myself [I can't say that it has equaled
to the tales I have heard from my
contemporarys], but yeah, it hurt, but, I
am [in a strange round-a-bout way]
appreciative of the experience. Experience
helps you grow stronger and allows
you to deal with situations with a level head.

Now I am not saying that I would like to
experience heartache again, but you see
thats the thing.

No matter how many times
you go through heartache for the last
time, your bound to go through it again.
It’s called life and like I said before it
worth it, because if something had the
ability to break your heart. It must have
been awesome to begin with.

True Story.

[placing a lid on the past]

In life you find that there are times
that in retrospect everything suddenly
becomes clear to you. You look back
and realise that you were blind to
that one piece of the puzzle that
eluded you whilst being right there
in your face the whole time.

And then, you have times like this
where the situation is so clear it
hurts. Something big is going to
happen, but I’m not sure what.
I do have reasons for this, it’s
not random precognition, the
signs are all about.

Now over the past months my mind
was still set back in Bromley, and
although I have more than a slight
distaste for the place. It was the catylyst
for some of the major events of my
life in recent years.

It’s where I got my first photography
related job [Jessops]. It’s also where
I met people that had a massive and
profound impact on my life. But, I have
realised that for some reason things are
slowly disappearing from the Bromley
way.

The apologies I’ve received from my
exes and also the fact that one of my best
friends [that I met in Bromley if you hadn't
figured the connection] is moving out
of London.

It seems like the past is being placed
behind me and ushering something
new.

[MESSAGE TO RICK: NO WORRYS BABE,
I WILL STAY IN TOUCH. DON'T YOU
WORRY BOUT THAT BITCH, LOL XX]

[something to live by]

[one day it will all become awesome]

As people we spend alot of time waiting.
Waiting for that perfect life or romantic
situation to appear. The thing about
waiting is that you hardly find yourself
risking anything.

Most of the good things in life, or the
good things that happen in life or
have happened are the direct result
of taking a chance.

Now, I’m not talking, the rolling of
a dice chance, I’m talking about
taking that chance that scares you.
Usually, the more it scares you
the greater the rewards. And if
you take the time to think about
it, you’ll realise I’m right.

So why are people stuck in a rut?

Why when what I just said is
common knowledge are people
seeming to be taking less and
less chances these days. The
answer for this?

Fear of consequence my dears,
fear of consequence.

It’s a shitty truth, but it is a truth
none the less, and as I sit here
in front of my laptop I wonder why
I myself am in said rut and what
I am gonna do to get out of it.

Fuck all is what I’m gonna do,
at least for the moment, life is
OK, and I have no reason to change
it, but, saying this I am liable
to do something soon. All because
of a Bloc Party lyric. As silly as
it sounds. The lyrics is from the
song called ‘Waiting For The 7:18′

“If I could do it again, I’d make more
mistakes, I’d not be so scared of
falling. If I could do it again I’d
climb more trees, I’d pick and I’d
eat more wild, blackberries”

I don’t wanna feel like that when
I’m thirty.

[words of wisdom|Rick Graham]

[brighton]

[little boy ray]

[my mum]

["get off the blog and cut your nails"]

saying that
is one of the
reasons shes
kooler than
your mum.

True Story.

[as strange as it may seem...]

Um, this is a strange one to
write because of the audience
this particular blog may or
may not have.

But it seems that in the last week
I have received apologies from
both of my ex-girlfriends, both
these apologies were on the
random, as in I was sitting there
are bang, there they were.

One was the other day via MSN,
and the latter just occurred via
text message, just now.

And although I know that this
blog was the direct cause for one
of these apologies, and I have the
feeling it may have just caused the
other apology as well. But of this
I’m not sure.

I have the next week off from
work, and I’ve got a feeling that
in this short amount of time, it may
unfold to reveal some more random
acts from people in my life.

Guess we’ll just wait and see

[today was shit]

Now, annoying, to contrast the
day that I had yesterday, I had
quite a crappy day. and the
annoying things are this;

1] It Started OK

2] I don’t know what changed

For some reason it turned from
an average day at work to one
of those days when you want to
listen to quasi-depressing music
at the loudest possible volume.

[which I did, and it was fun]

I have no reason to be down
today, at all, yet I am still in
a bit of a mood and can’t seem
to shake it.

There obviously were good points
about my day, like for instance,
working with Amy, Amanda, Tom
and to some extent David, although
at times he can seem more morose
than I.

Also I had to return a milkshake
today, which I can inform you is the
low point of my consumer life.

There was one reason I came up
with to explain my bad mood, but
it couldn’t be that, I’ve come too far
to be bothered by that crap.

Hopefully in a few minutes I’ll
blog awesome like usual, but give
me this space [and this time] to vent.

[today was a good day]

Yeah, it was, not only because
of the nice people I met at work
today disguised as customers. But
more importantly than this, today,
as what is becoming the new standard
I walked home from work and ate healthily
at lunchtime, walking home allowed me
to take a little detour and end up at
ASDA with the intention of cooking
tonight.

Whilst down there I saw my old
childminders from when I was a kid
[quite obviously] and had a chat with
them, which was awesome. I was always
afraid I’d let them down with the whole
‘not-going-to-uni’ situation, but they
didn’t bring it up, but were happy to
hear that my photography career seems
to be kicking off.

In case you were wondering, I bought pasta,
turkey and two different sauces and I’m
gonna cook them for me and mum, once
I finish this blog. I like cooking and I’m
good at it, hence why I only cook on the
random.

And as well as being more than two
thirds through my book in two sittings
I have also gone and got myself a
flickr account, which at the mo
only has a few polaroid in it. Which
Are already on this blog, but hey.

I’m gonna go cook now, but,
yes, it was a good day.

[thanks rick]

A while ago, whilst I was
still living in New Cross
my flatmate [and really good
friend] Rick Graham turned to
me [we were both rather drunk]
and said “I don’t believe they
could have said that to you,
if someone said that to me I
don’t know what I’d do”.

Now I don’t remember what I
said back, like I said, we were both
really drunk, but it just popped
back into my head after a
couple of months, and although
he’ll probably never read this,
just wanna say thanks man.

Because I was thinking about it
and the event in which he was talking about,
was by all accounts terrible, but as bad
as it was, it didn’t send me over the edge,
at all. In fact my reaction was quite benign,
because for some reason I just didn’t care.
Rick seem to care more than me, which was
quite funny.

I’m come a long way this year. I’m stronger
in mind and in spirit and I have been able
to deal with things that two years ago
would’ve definitely sent me over the
edge, I’m a lot happier and have a better
outlook on life in general. So…
|

Rick Graham Polaroid

Thanks Rick and go me, the new and improved
Richard =]

True Story.

[two clouds meet, and there we are]

[a blog I once wrote about inclement
weather]  =]

It’s foggy outside I don’t know
why but I’ve always loved fog that
and thunderstorms I don’t know
why they fascinate me. But they
have done since a child, I’ve
never been able to understand
being scared of a thunderstorm.

BOOMM!!!

With fog, it’s the idea, the fact even,
that your standing in one place
and although you can’t see too
far ahead. You know it’s there.
Not everything is visible
but you know.

Did you know
that that means that the fog seems
to be ubiquitous?

It’s like good times
you know? Always ahead
but never quite distinct
enough to know that they
are gonna be there when
you finally arrive.

Thunderstorms are just intense,
this said with a ringing
in ones ears. I can’t help but
sit at a window and stare
when one happens or maybe go
outside and appreciate it
firsthand.

I think I just love weather
I want to be able to one
day appreciate them all.

the weather
the seasons
the tides
the sky
the ground
the way ahead

Thunderstorms Are Cool